Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends.
http://youtu.be/Z-9Rg9iJty4 [My Funny Valentine/Sarah Vaughan]
I never thought, romantic that I am, that I would ever have a change of heart regarding Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I love all of the above-mentioned things as much as the next person, and if there are a dozen roses waiting for me in the morning, I will feel a thrill go through me much the way I have all the previous Valentine’s Days when I’ve gotten flowers. I’ll gush. I’ll squeal to myself, and I will, undoubtably, call a few of my friends and sigh, "you won’t believe the beautiful flowers that he left for me this morning...."
However, years change one’s times, and, sometimes, one’s attitude changes as well about old standards and how things should be. There’s nothing wrong with that. My expectation of what constitutes romantic gestures in this moment isn’t what it was 25 years ago. Changing economic times have also made it necessary to put a little practicality where romantic gestures are concerned. Here’s the thing: if you’re creative, it can be more memorable. If you’ve got a good sense of humor, it can be just as good as it always was. Case in point: yesterday, my husband and I were at Barnes and Noble. Have you checked the prices of cards lately? Well, I have. (*!@#%^$ [in other words, put your favorite expletive where the symbols are.]
I said to Tom, "Gives more savings credence to those card-making kits that HSN sells on its craft days!"
He rolled his eyes. "We don’t need any more stuff!" he lamented.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I’m just sayin’!" and continued to look for what I had gone there for in the first place.
He went to get his crossword puzzle book.
I roamed the aisles. Bookstores are like candy stores to me. You know the slogan for that famous town in Pennsylvania, "the BEST place on earth?" Well, that’s how I feel about book stores.
I waited for Tom to come back, and when he did, I called him over. I handed him a card.
He looked at me. "THIS is the card I would give to you on Tuesday, if I was buying a card."
He smiled, and read it.
Then, he looked around for a minute and handed me a card. "For you," he said.
I read it and smiled. "Aw," I replied. "You love me?"
"I love you."
"I love you back," I told him, then we kissed.
I remember thinking, as I put the cards back how that exchange would never have flown five, 10, 15 or 20 years ago. Yet, in this moment, at this place in our lives, I’m good. I got the thought. I saw the pretty card. He picked it out. We saved $3.95 each, and I didn’t have the painful pang I feel when I have to throw something pretty, like a card, into the recycle bin. Score one for the home team!
He handed me the puzzle book he wanted.
As I headed to the register, he asked. "Seriously? We’re good? No card exchange this year?"
"We’re good," I told him. "Go buy yourself a cup of coffee and bagel."
Practical AND thoughtful! Score one for me!
Tom thinks we loose a lot of money when we go to the book store. That little exercise proved to him otherwise.
Later that night, as we were making hotdogs, he said in the middle of preparations, "how about a little hug?"
I’m NEVER one to turn away a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tight.
"I’m going to miss you tomorrow," he said. "I always hate when the weekend is over."
Pitter pat went the beat of my heart.
"I know, Honey!" I said, patting his back. "I’ll miss you too."
"Let’s spend the whole day in bed on Saturday!" he said, excited by the thought.
Now, before you let your thoughts take that turn, let me just say, there’s a television set in the bedroom along with a King size bed. It’s waaaaay more comfortable stretching out in there with two puppies hopping all over us than sitting like tightly packed sardines on the tiny love-seat or all piling into the recliners.
Like you, however, I couldn’t resist.
Not missing a beat, I said. "You animal!"
He looked at me as his train hopped his track over to where my thought had gone. He chuckled. "How bout we spend half the day in bed?" he amended.
I high-fived him. "Sounds good to me!" Practical YET semi-romantic.
I pulled a Joanism. [A ‘Joanism’ is a Joan River’s joke that can apply to one’s every day life] To the front of my mind came the thought: "What the hell, I know in advance, I’ll shave my legs!"
First plan of preparedness: Always go into a situation ready for anything to happen! ;-)
Fifteen years ago, if he’d said that to me, I’d have come back with a little romantic humor: "Do you want me to bring in a picnic basket?"
Now, I offer a serious statement to a moment like this. Something like, "Don’t forget to bring the puppies a chew bone..."
Change of heart.....not always a bad thing. Snuggle-cuddling is a VERY good activity on a late Saturday morning into the early afternoon...
Later that night, we heard some comedienne make a wise-crack about guys taking their wives to Red Lobster for Valentine’s Day....like that wasn’t something special or significant.
My shoulders slumped. "Dammit!" I said. "Don’t tell me we can’t go to Red Lobster for Valentine’s Day!?"
He laughed. I think he thought the question was rhetorical.
When he didn’t answer, I felt the need to offer another suggestion. It was the Golden Corral commercial that had just come on, and it appealed to me. Let me paint the image for you of what I saw: a chocolate fountain of warm, flowing liquid gold.
"Hey, Tom..."
"No," he replied.
"Why not?"
"It’s way down in Richmond," he said. "And, I don’t want to go there for Valentine’s Day."
My lips turned downward in a frown. "That would have been an easy please for you," I told him. "Just push a chair up to that fountain and give me a fondu pick.....I’d have been good to go and you would have known how much I liked that experience!"
"Sorry to disappoint you," he replied.
"Well," I pushed. "What about Red Lobster?"
His brow furrowed. "Why do you want to go to Red Lobster so bad?"
Hello! Cheddar biscuits....
Instead, I replied. "We have that $50 gift card. I just figured we could have a nice meal and not have to shell out any cash for it." Practical AND a Freebie.
He considered it. I knew that statement was music to his ears – gift card-nice dinner-free. Once upon a time, using a gift card for my Valentine’s Day dinner would have appealed to me as much as exchanging Valentine’s Day cards inside the store two days before the event~NOT!
"We can go to Red Lobster," he finally said.
"Good," I replied, pleased that we had nailed that detail down.
We finished our hotdogs. He came to get my plate and take it to the kitchen. [He’s thoughtful that way].
He had unloaded the dishwasher earlier, and I had a sink full of breakfast, lunch and supper dishes to now fill it up with.
We’ve got those 42" inch kitchen cabinets that look great, but I have a hard time, five foot thing that I am with a bad back to boot, reaching even the bottom shelf to put away the dishes. So, dishwasher unloading it one of Tom’s chores.
He called from the kitchen. "Sweetie, I’ll load the dishwasher for you!"
[With all the cold air of late, my bad back has been hurting a lot more than usual.]
I had followed him into the kitchen to re-fill my tea glass.
"Oh, you sweet man!" I said, as if he’d just given me the Hope Diamond. I followed the comment up by giving him face kisses.
For those of you who are dating or newly married and don’t know this. After you’ve been married for 10, 15, 17 years and so on, these kind of offerings are on par – an equal playing field with unexpected flowers, candy and whatnot. It’s a love gesture. Over time, our preferences change. Our husbands cleaning things, laundering things, picking up things, suggesting going out to dinner in the middle of the week....for us, those things are every bit as romantic and magical as all the things that one typically thinks of as romantic.
He still leaves me a love note by the coffee pot in the morning; and wakes me for a kiss goodbye before he leaves for work. I asked him once why he woke me up instead of just giving me a kiss before he went on his way. He said it was because he wanted to talk to me before he left home to start his day, even if it was just to get a sleepy "Good Morning-love you". [Yeah, I’m lucky....] He also still brings me a candy bar home from the store without my asking for it. It’s all in perspective of what becomes important for us in whatever stage of the journey we’re in. A Twix bar 17 years in gets the same kudos as a small box of Godiva did years ago. Fancy names don’t always mean best. Not to me anyway.
Don’t get me wrong. I have fancy, eclectic taste. It’s just not where food or candy is concerned. My husband appreciates that about me!
Besides, I get tons of wet, slobbery kisses and total body shimmy-shakes whenever I enter the room. That’s one of the benefits of having two puppies. Still, I know how it feels to be adored. My husband’s still got his game. Whenever he does little things, like scrubbing the bottom of the shower stall because I can’t bend down and do that anymore or unloads the dishwasher, or loads the dishwasher for me, or brings me an unexpected Starbucks, or changes the sheets on the bed, or leaves a Twix bar on the kitchen island or any one of a hundred other things he does for me, it re-affirms that passion and love that I know he feels for me. They’re change of heart ways of telling someone you love them, but they’re just as important and they mean just as much now as all the other things from the past.
He calls me every day at lunch to say hello and see how I’m doing.
And, when I hear the garage door open every night, I feel my heart smile and say a silent "Thank you, God, for bringing him home safe and sound to me."
The puppies and I go to the stairwell door inside of the kitchen that leads down to the garage. We open it and turn on the light as we wait for him to appear. The puppies bark and dance around in excited anticipation of seeing him walk through the bottom door. I have that excited anticipation too as I tell them that their Daddy will be coming up any minute. When the door opens and he emerges from the outside world, he looks up at me, our eyes meet and lock for a brief second before he says happily, "Hi, puppies!" which make them bark and dance and go crazy.
As he climbs the stairs, we patiently wait for him to reach us, each loaded with our hugs and kisses. He reaches for me first. I think the puppies know that’s the natural order of this greeting and will never change. We have a smooch and a hug before he turns his full attention to Chuey and Elmer which sends them running around him in giddy, wild abandon because the King of the house is finally back home.
I watch him step into the kitchen and put his briefcase and lunch bag on the island so that he can reach down and rub the boys - giving a caress to the scruff of their necks and down their back coats.
Then, he rises and lets out a happy sigh, looking at me. "It’s good to be home."
I smile, turning off the light in the stairwell and closing the door. "It’s good to have you home, Honey!
It never gets old. That’s our every day valentine.
"What’s for supper?" he asks one particular night.
"You tell me," I say.
"How about breakfast?"
I smile. I knew he was going to say that. "Breakfast is good...."
He nods, making himself a small snack to tide him over.
Then, we walk into the living room together to watch the news. The puppies follow close on our heels.
"You sure breakfast is okay?" he asks, taking his seat and turning on his computer.
"I’m sure," I tell him.
Chuey and Elmer look and me. "You want some bacon and eggs for supper?" I say in the funny voice we use when we talk to our fur babies.
They run around the living room, jumping on each other and growling playfully.
Tom and I watch them and laugh because they are such a delight.
In that moment, my eyes take in my blessings with grateful appreciation. I look at the three guys in my life and can’t help but think: "Yeah. Life is good...."
Then, I hear Sarah Vaughan in my mind sing what my heart realizes in that moment each day is Valentine’s Day....
http://youtu.be/Fnn9JlqqTE4 [To Make You Feel My Love/Adele]
Post Script: I wrote this entry last night [the 13th] to post this morning; I woke up this morning to find a dozen BEE*U*TEE*FUL red roses on the kitchen island and I got the bagel from Panera. He took the coffee. Now, THAT’s a good Valentine’s Day card. I’m just taping the finishing Dove’s chocolate candies on Tom’s Amazon gift card. I’ve got special dog cookies for the puppies and Red Lobster is tonight. Woo*Hoo! It’s a beautiful day in our neighborhood. Happy Valentine’s Day All from our house to yours!
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