"If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you’ve got the worst kind of heart problem." ~Bob Hope
compassion n. - sympathetic concern for the suffering or misfortune of others.
http://youtu.be/amD8peahXmQ [Another Day in Paradise/Phil Collins]
The other day, it was a gorgeous autumn day, Tom and I went out to my favorite store: Barnes and Noble. [Not surprising right? Writers love books. I always have.] I found a $25 gift card as I was straightening "my area" last Friday. No doubt, it was left over from my birthday, and I’d not noticed it sitting there, buried among a stack of papers I was saving. [Don’t ask me for what...] My Whatzit must have been off not to have sensed the glaring flashing lights it must have been sending to me: Find me! Find me! Find me! Book money! Book money! Book money!
Boy, hiddy, once I’d found it though, it began to burn a hole in my pocket. So, Tom and I took a little drive across town the next day.
As we turned off the interstate to the road that took me to one of my little heavens on earth, I noticed, sitting on the median on a rickety old stool that divided the six-lane highway, a middle aged lady, holding up a sign, proclaiming her plight: she was down on her luck. She had a son. She wished she could work but was unable to. Her posterboard was old - faded. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to turn and ask for help from strangers. Her clothes were old and worn too.
It made me sad.
I remember when I was in high school – 11th grade, I believe. The school gave a test that was designed to help a student see the areas where they excelled – areas of interest which might aide in selecting a career path. My results were a veritable smorgasbord of range and interest. These are the things my results indicated I had a propensity for: writing, [surprise, surprise.....]; acting; politics; law; and social work. It was astounding how accurate it was in the areas of my interest. My father and mother had agreed to send me to college if I wanted to go, but their offer to each of their children was this : go to college right after graduation or get a job and work. No exception. No time off to go "discover" myself. Choice a or choice b. That was it. I decided to go to college. My father looked at the results of this proficiency exam and nixed two of the recommendations right off the bat. "In a New York minute" as he used to say, he limited my options. Straight away he said no to acting.
"I’m not paying for you to go to college for four years to act!" his statement was firm. "Do that on the side if it’s something you’re interested in doing." [He knew I was in the drama club, and it wasn’t a viable option on their dime.]
"Fine," I told him. "What else do you object to?" I knew which one he took exception to, but for the sake of argument, he needed to spell it out for me. I wanted to hear him say it.
"Absolutely NOT on the social worker recommendation!" he said with great emphasis on the word not.
I remember my brows furrowing. "You don’t think I’d be a good social worker?" I asked innocently.
"On the contrary," he countered. "You’d be an exceptional social worker! However, you’d bring every stray dog, cat and person home! The pay isn’t good, and it would defeat the purpose of you working to earn your living! You’d barely be able to take care of yourself on that salary, let alone everyone else!"
Hm. I remember thinking. There were times, at that point in my life, when I thought he didn’t know me well. But, when he had me pegged, he had me pegged.
I hated to admit it, but his assessment on that issue was right on the money, like a dart hitting dead-center in the bull’s eye zone. It was a true statement.
I’ve been known to have a "bleeding heart". Some who know me might apply it to politics. Most who know me apply it to people and animals. I’m a sucker for a "down on your luck" story. I don’t know.....I think it’s part personality and part the way I was raised.
"The Golden Rule" was drilled into my mind early on. It’s the way I live – the way I believe. If I had my way, it would be the mandatory motto for the world. Lots of problems would be solved if we all lived under the direction of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you...." Yeah. That’s a golden thought alright!
It’s the thought I had on Saturday as I looked at that woman sitting in the middle of the road, asking strangers to have a little compassion and understanding for her plight. I realize that there are people out there who run cons and do this kind of thing who are not truly in need. However, it wasn’t the case with this woman. She was down on her luck. That much was obvious. You could tell.
Seeing her sitting there like that bothered me. I imagined that she didn’t have a wonderful surprise, like finding a $25 gift card to a book store hiding beneath her private papers; she didn’t have the luxury of having a spouse take her out to lunch after said shopping expedition. Did she have a roof over her head to call home for herself and her son? I wasn’t sure.
I thought about my home - my beautiful home with all its modern day comforts and conveniences. Was she able to take a hot shower each day? It’s a simple pleasure that most of us take for granted.
Tom and I went about our business. We went into the book store, then ran to Target for a few items we "needed". The entire time, I couldn’t help thinking of her sitting out there between the highways. It gnawed at me. She was still there when we finished our errands - two hours later. Two hours. Lord knows how long before and after we saw her she sat there? I couldn’t stop thinking about that. I couldn’t stop thinking that there but by the grace of God....and I felt tears come.
God’s grace upon me has been plentiful. From my childhood to my middle age, there’s nothing that I have lacked for - no basic need that has been denied me. I’ve never had to worry about where my next meal was coming from or if I could pay the light bill each month. I am not a financially wealthy woman, but I have never known the concern of those things. There are many things I want, but not a thing in the world that I need. I have a good husband; a beautiful home; health insurance, food in my pantry, clothes in my closet and savings in the bank for a "rainy day". I have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter. I have a phone to use to call my family and friends whenever the need strikes, and I want to hear their voices or share some conversation. I have a computer to play on and write on. Life has its moments, but it’s good. I hate that it’s not good for everyone. It bothers me that there are some people out there who know, more often than not, how it feels to go to bed hungry and what it is to live without the comforts of modern day convenience.
Misfortune is an odd thing. It can befall even the wealthiest of people on the spin of a dime, because of unwise investments or health issues or the loss of a job or spouse.....Any number of things can change one’s lot in life. It takes a certain kind of fortitude to check one’s pride at the door and humble oneself to the lowly station of begging strangers for their kindness and their loose change. That’s not a judgement call. It is what it is. I’ve often heard though that mothers aren’t above doing anything to provide for their child – even if it means sitting in the middle of a busy road, on a rickety old stool, asking passers by for a show of mercy. How many "good cries" does it take for one to be able to rise above the inhumanity of such a state to sit with a quiet dignity and hold a sign up exposing your misfortune to all who pass you by? Have you ever paused to consider it? Last Saturday, I did. I thought, "there but by the grace of God go I or anyone I love", and if that were the case, wouldn’t I hope that someone had compassion for us in our moment of true and utter need?
"Can we loop through McDonald’s before we go get something to eat?"
My husband knows me well enough to know why I was asking.
"Sure," he replied, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "You’re my tender-hearted little Darling!" he told me. [He calls me that a lot...]
I smiled and squeezed back. I knew that he felt that way. It’s easy, however, to have a tender heart when you have so much...
"I’ll go in," I said, opening the car door and taking my cane, as I hobbled toward the door. I wanted to pack the napkins, salt/pepper, ketchup etc. myself. It may seem silly, but I wanted my personal touch on this gesture. I wanted her to know that someone truly did care, even down to the most minor of details. I got her a number four: two cheeseburgers, a large fry, a large Coke and I added two apple pies for good measure. A dollar didn’t seem too much an expense to add a touch of sweetness to someone’s day. At least that day, her and her son would have a carefree moment that having Micky D’s seems to provide for kids and their parents. At least, I hoped it would give them a carefree moment.
We looped back around so that we were in the turn lane closest to her. I was hoping the light would change to red, so that we didn’t have to toss the bag quickly out the window to her. And, what do you know....the light turned red. I think God is happy to give a helping hand when a good deed is at work....
We rolled the window down and called her over. She looked surprised when we handed her the food in addition to a $5 spot.
"God bless you folks! God bless you folks!" she said in a voice that broke a little with emotion.
"God bless you, Ma’am!" I returned the sentiment.
Tender mercies....always give them when you can.
I must admit that it was the best $10 we’ve spent in a long time! It was satisfying and rewarding all in the same breath. It made us feel good. It was better than the two tall coffees we had been planning to get later that day but decided to forgo. Imagine how much better our world would be if we all took one day and gave up a guilty pleasure – just one sacrifice so that a good deed could shine in a weary world. [My favorite quote from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...]
I don’t think it would change the world, but it would certainly start a movement in the right direction. Do unto others....there but by the grace of God.... Good reminders, I say....such good food for thought.
This isn’t a "Magnificent Obsession" moment for me. No. There’s a reason I’m not keeping this one a secret. It’s a gesture I challenge everyone to try. Next time you see someone walking by the side of the road with all their worldly belongings crammed into a shopping cart, or you see someone wearing a winter’s coat when it’s 103 degrees outside and carrying a broken down cardboard box, or you spy a woman sitting on a rickety old stool in the middle of a busy highway asking for a small kindness, give them your compassion! Reach into your wallet and give a couple of bucks, and if you don’t have any singles, give them a $5 or $10. If you believe in the Principle of Reciprocity, you don’t have to worry about losing a few bucks in that moment, because it’s sure to come back to you in more and better ways than you could ever imagine. Even if you don’t believe in it, try it any way. I dare you to put your want aside for one day and give the blessing to someone else. I double dare you! Take the daily challenge as Carolyn Hennesy [actress and author would say ;-) ...] She challenges her followers with one every day. It's a call for one to step out beyond themselves and shake up their normal routine - do something different to better yourself or your neighbor. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm borrowing her wonderful philosophy! As such, this is mine to you...
Dignity. It’s an appreciated gift. It doesn’t cost much to give it either....$10 bucks isn’t a high price to pay for the genuine smile of gratitude you get in return. Never forget that! And, if you’re ever faced with the choice, give someone their dignity instead of taking it away from them. See them instead of ignoring them. Have compassion for them instead of pity. Their dignity, as that old adage states, in the long run, might not mean anything to you, but it means everything to them...The reverse of that statement is true. I was raised to try and put myself in another’s position. It would serve us all well, sometimes, to do it. It’s my challenge to you today: when you see someone down on their luck, try and put yourself in their shoes. Give a little of yourself to let someone know that kindness still exists in this world.
Compassion to a stranger is a much needed generosity today. Remember, at any given moment, there but by the grace of God...
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