To Have and To Hold...

April 28, 1995

      
                                                           　
"If you love something, set if free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was..."

"Wait for a time, exactly under the star. Then, if a little man appears who laughs, who has golden hair...you will know who he is. If this should happen, please comfort me. Send me word that he has come back..." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery from, The Little Prince

http://youtu.be/Ttd1yDbjUpY [On Golden Pond/Dave Grusin]


Today has been a happy day – a reflective day. You see, it was on this day, 17 years ago, that I married my best friend on the sixth anniversary of our first date. That first date, and the night that followed it several years later, are perfectly etched in my mind with such clarity that if I close them, I can be right back in its moments. They were beautiful days.

It rained here today, however, but it didn’t dampen our mood, our thoughts or our reflections. We’ve traveled a long way together on this road of life we share. I’m his co-pilot, and he rides shotgun for me or vice-versa, depending on from whose vantage point the view is seen. Hopefully, we’ve got a longer journey yet ahead.

Looking back on the road we’ve traveled thus far, we couldn’t help but note all the changes in our world, our families and our lives in the nearly two decades we’ve been married. Loved ones have left us and gone to their eternal rest as have a few friends; marriages of loved ones have broken apart; physical limitations have risen; and, the changes continue coming. The "best of times and worst of times", I have shared with Tom. The greatest joys I’ve ever known as well as the deepest lows, are tied to him. The joys are too many to count. The sorrows are few, namely, the deprivation of raising our children who we had for only a few golden months each, before heaven called them back...burying my father and several other family members, some illness here and there that have crept upon us...yet we understand that life cannot realistically be lived without a few painful moments. Thankfully, ours have been few, and we are blessed.

I think back to that first April 28^th we shared 23 years ago. It was a great night, much like the one that came on the night that changed my life forever, when Tom added to my name and who I am as a person. On the first April 28^th, we went out with a group of friends for a meal, then went to play pool. I’d never played pool. I didn’t understand the rules of the game, and had no idea that when I shot the 8 ball into that coveted hole that pool players are suppose to shoot those solid and stripped balls into, that I’d actually lost us the game. All I knew was that balls were on the table geared to be shot and dropped into those dispersed holes around the table’s circumference, and I’d dropped the 8 ball. It seemed like an omen: 8 is the symbol of infinity, and I had bagged that one. I was ecstatic as were those on the opposing team. Within a minute, I had been informed by several friends who were enjoying my accomplishment as much as I was [those on that opposing team] that I’d actually made a huge faux pas. Immediately, my sense of joy sank into a black hole much as that black 8 ball had done only moments before. I looked to Tom to tell him I was sorry, but instead of being upset, he was smiling at me and clapping – genuinely proud that I had accomplished what the object of the game was, regardless of that fact that it was the wrong ball that had slipped down into that hole. He appreciated the fact that I had done what I thought I was suppose to do, and that was good enough for him. Little did I know that it would become a metaphor of our life together. What I mean by that is that it doesn’t seem to matter if I fall short in task, he’s proud that I tried–made the effort. That night, he made me feel like the best thing since Wonder bread. It is a feeling that I wish every person could know once in their lifetime.

I remember a friend told me that a first date isn’t when you go out with a group of friends. I agreed with her. That’s an outing. The first date part came later, when we sat in his truck until four a.m., talking about everything under the sun – important things, and mundane things. We’ve always had great conversation, and it began on that very first night we spent together talking until the dark night turned into a faint dawn. Later that day, I called my Aunt Judy, who was anxious to hear all the details of that first date. I remember telling her that I’d met the man I was going to marry, and if I didn’t marry him, then it wasn’t going to be in the cards for me. It wasn’t a moment of drama. It was an intuitive knowing.

I’ve heard often in life that timing is everything. At the time we first connected, the forever dream, though discussed, wasn’t in the cards for us. We were 3/4 of the way on the same page, but we both knew that to make something work and be successful that we had to be 100% on the same page. We weren’t ready, and we couldn’t stay together in that state of unreadiness. It was a painful breakup because no one was "the bad guy", but it was painful nonetheless. It was the first time in my life that I’d felt a pain in my heart that I didn’t believe it could withstand.

During the four years that we were apart, we never truly lost contact with the other, proof that the ties that bind us are strong ones. Periodically, at different times of the year, we’d call the other just to say hello and see how the other was doing. Ironically, during all that time apart, we’d both each only had one blind date. I remember telling my mother once, when she asked me why I didn’t seem interested in dating, that I didn’t know where one went after they’d met their soul mate? It wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear, because she wanted me to have the kind of life that’s she’d always wished and envisioned for me. She said as much to me, and I remember telling her that I hadn’t given up on Tom just yet.

My faith in holding out and holding on paid off. Tom and I reconnected on Valentine’s Day 2004, and the rest is history. Fourteen months later, I took the most important walk of my life. As with our first date, I remember that night so vividly. One thing that sticks out the most in my mind was walking, on my father’s arm, into the doorway of our church as "The Wedding March" played and everyone stood up. Tom stood at the end of that aisle smiling at me–waiting for me. All I wanted to do was get to him, but I recall my father squeezing my hand that was looped through his arm and whispering for me to wait.

His hushed tone slowed me down because he wanted to make certain that I had my full moment. [We get so few in life]. "Hold on, Sug!" he directed. "Let everyone get a good look at you."

I glanced over at him as tears came to my eyes, much the way they had in the vestibule when I teased him about finally being able to give me away, and he cleared his throat, trying not to let his own emotion get the better of him, and told me that he wasn’t giving me away, he was merely "passing me along...."

I wasn’t accustomed to comments of that nature from my father. I knew he loved me. He told me so, but these particular comments were sweet, tender moments that let me know this event wasn’t as easy for him as I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong. My father adored Tom. He use to say he couldn’t have done a better job if he’d picked him out himself. Still, until I became engaged, my father was the most important man in my life, and that was changing. Another man was taking that spot, and he knew that my place within our family was shifting. I understand his comments and feeling so much better now as I’ve gotten older and wiser. I remember he seemed to relax a bit when I cheerfully told him that he wasn’t losing a daughter but he was gaining a son. No truer words were ever spoken, because Tom truly has been a son to my parents, and they both considered him in that light.

I heeded his advice and was so thankful for it in that moment, however, as well as the advice of a colleague who told me to make certain that we walked through our reception room at The Comus Inn, situated at the base of Sugarloaf Mountain, before the festivities began and take time to look at our cake, food table and decorations, because she had failed to do that, and her memories of her night were a blur. I did both of those things: I stopped in the doorway of our church’s sanctuary and took a deep breath as I looked around at all who were in attendance. I remember seeing friends like Ginny, Linda, Dawn, Carolyn, and my friends from my days working at the hotel. I saw my boss and the president of our union. I saw my mother and Tom’s family – my soon-to-be new sister, Kathy. And, I can still see the look on Tom’s face as I stood there, waiting to join him.

I also remember our beautiful cake, the large basket filled with birdseed with the lavender ribbons and the display that had the tree saplings that were our party favors. I remember the gorgeous mountain views outside the window of the restaurant, and the beautiful day that faded into a spectacular evening. It was a perfect night - the most perfect one I’ve ever known. I was Cinderella at the magical ball and the carriage didn’t turn into a pumpkin when the clock struck midnight. The room was filled with laughter, love, smiling faces, great food and dancing late into that Friday night as it eased into early, early Saturday morning. I wish everyone could be the lead character in a night such as that.

So much as happened in the ensuing years: our dream to become parents and raise children didn’t work out very well for us. Our babies weren’t meant to live here, and though that’s not and has never been okay with us, it’s one of those "unfortunates" that life sometimes adds to one’s story. Tom, however, went back to school and became a Special Education teacher, something that is his true calling. We moved to Virginia a few years ago, which was another surprising twist in our journey, because I never thought I’d leave Maryland. My father, his two sisters, my grandmother and Uncle Ed are gone now, as is our beautiful minister, Anne-Jeanne Quay. Carolyn’s "Darling, Sweet Larry" has also gone to the "next place"; our country has been involved in two wars since we said our "I Do’s"; and, it seems like Tom and I are living in more similar economic times like my grandparents lived during the depression of the 1930's, though technologically, we’re living the scenario of the 1960's cartoon, "The Jetsons". It truly has been a wild ride, and we’re only about a third of the way into that 50 years we promised each other.

Our hair is a little grayer; our waists are a little thicker; our wisdom is a lot broader; and, our outlook continues to be positively directed outward – together, looking toward the future.

This evening, I looked over at my husband snoozing in his recliner with two puppies lightly snoring in his lap, and I had to smile. I got my brass ring! This is the good life, and though we’ve settled in a bit and don’t do all the little romantic things we did when we were courting, as my grandmother used to say, he still makes my heart go pitter pat. We struggle; we disagree, we laugh; we cry; but, we continue to hold hands and stick together....this is our life, and I will be forever grateful that God blessed me with such a good one...

http://youtu.be/3gziSnkICbk [This Is Our Life/Mary Beth Maziarz]

The Moment

Ashley, Peggy and Tammy Eisenhart

Christmas 2011

Angels deliver Fate to our doorstep - and anywhere else it’s needed. ~Jessi Lane Adams

http://youtu.be/447yaU_4DF8 [The Moment/Kenny G]

Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for, without being seen, they are present with you. ~St Francis of Sales


Have you ever had a moment – one that was so grand and surreal that it made you pause to question what had actually happened? Have you ever had a moment so lovely in the overall context of it all, that it put an entirely different spin on the concept of beautiful? Have you ever had a moment so miraculous that you felt the angels in heaven were surely singing? I had a moment just like that a little over a week ago. It was quite simply spectacular!

For those who know me, and those who have been reading my blog, you know that I’m a sign person. I believe in them! Well, I had a sign on March 22nd, that can only be classified as having been heaven sent. Before I begin, let me just say that I’ve had experiences where my loved ones, those who have gone to heaven, have sent me signs from beyond and visited me with the feeling of their presence close by. I’ve never experienced that feeling with the loved one of a loved one. I can tell you that it’s every bit as powerful an experience.

If you don’t believe in such things, I can respect that. I can also say that I feel sorry that you don’t know the unbridled joy of knowing that someone you love remains connected to you no matter the space and distance that separates. If you do believe in such things, you’re in for a real holy roller moment, as a friend of mine says about joyously divine happenings.

So, strap on and in. Here we go:

Wednesday night, March 21^st, about 11:30 pm, I began having an anxious feeling that I wasn’t going to sleep that night. For any of you who suffer with insomnia, I don’t need to explain what that feeling is. The nights are long and draining when your body is tired, your mind is exhausted and your entire makeup~body, mind, and spirit, longs for and craves a sleep that might not come. A couple of times a month, I have nights where sleep evades me, and I spend those long, sleepless nights, searching the web, watching late-night television, listening to music or writing. I had a sense that I was about to have one of "those" nights.

It was after one a.m. on the 22^nd, when I began to channel surf – hoping to find something that might settle me down a bit so that I could feel Mr. Sandman coming to claim me. I can still feel my mouth drop when I hit a channel in the high 100's. It was ShopNBC. I’m not very familiar with that shopping channel. I’d heard of it, but I’m a QVC gal [been with them since its inception in the late 80's], and I periodically check in with HSN. Being disabled, I have a hard time getting over to the mall anymore, and why bother when the mall can come to you via tv? It’s a GREAT invention! Back to the story at hand. So, I stop on the ShopNBC channel just as the woman is show-casing a Madi Claire leather handbag.

You may be asking, "what’s the big deal?"
HERE is the big deal: the bag was named Tamara.  [That's Tammy's name.]  

I hear some of you saying, still not certain of the awesomeness of that, "I’m still not getting the BIG deal part!?"
Further explanation of "the big deal" is this: In February, my friend, Peggy, un-expectantly suffered the worst nightmare any parent can endure, when her daughter, Tammy, passed away in her sleep. I’ve previously written about the awful moment when I learned of it. Now, in this moment, I was looking at a beautiful red, leather purse with a touch of zebra print named Tamara. I don’t know what happened in my den that night or early morning other than to say that I felt something in the room with me, and I heard a request put upon my heart. This is different than hearing the voice of a loved one whispering something in your ear. I felt a message placed on my heart that was as plain as if the voice had been audible, "please get this for my mom! I want her to have something of me to carry and hold onto at Christmas." Yeah, I know. It was March and Christmas was a full nine months away. Still, that was the message that filled my heart, clear as a bell– so, so clear.

I felt a chill, but not in a bad way, and the hair on my neck slowly rose. 
"Tammy," I whispered out loud. "Are you here?"
I must tell you I felt a little silly asking it, because it didn’t escape me that IF this beautiful young woman was going to come to someone, I believed that it would surely be to her mother, her father, her sisters, her grandparents or her friends. Certainly, I thought, it wouldn’t be to a friend of her mother’s! But, God and angels work in mysterious ways and use whatever vessel-whatever means is available and open to them at the moment, to transmit a special message. I’m open to such things, and Peggy’s Tammy knew that.

The response came to my heart with a louder urging of, "Please get this for my mom!" Yes. I felt the urgent emphasis on the word "please."

I paused.

"Were you wearing red last Christmas, Tammy?" I softly asked, reaching back into my memory to pull forward the beautiful pictures that I had seen of Peggy’s family the previous holiday. I couldn’t recall using my memory. Quickly, my fingers typed Peggy’s name into Facebook so that I could pull up her holiday album. I remembered someone wearing red, but I couldn’t remember if it was Tammy. My mouth dropped again when the picture came up, and I saw my friend, Peggy, flanked on either side by two of her beautiful daughters, one of whom was Tammy. Both were wearing red.

I felt a whoosh of air exhale as tears came to my eyes. I think I whispered, "Oh my God!"

In that moment, I felt a most unusual thing – a feeling of polite impatience as the message filled my heart again, "PLEASE! You can cry in a minute, but PLEASE get this for my mom!" Yes, I felt the distinct emphasis on the words "please".

The feeling made me chuckle in one regard. Having shopped via television channels for many years, I know how it works. The telecast is sent to millions of homes, and things can sell-out quickly. If something sells out, there’s no telling when it will return. There IS a sense of urgency shopping that way if you see something that strikes your fancy! As that feeling came to me, the show host made the statement that it had taken them seven months to get this particular purse back in stock. Without hesitation, I reached for the phone and called ShopNBC. After I ordered that purse, I sighed happily and said, "Alright Tammakins! Done deal! Your Momma is getting a beautiful red purse for Christmas with your name on it – something extra special for her to carry and hold onto at the holiday!" [Don’t ask me why I called her "Tammakins", because I have no clue, and I don’t remember if I even told Peggy that I called her that when we spoke about it.] But I did. And I laughed. This laugh came out of me that I’d never heard before. It was a deliciously giddy and wickedly funny sort of laugh! It was a "we did it", kind of laugh - the kind that comes when you want to surprise someone really good, and you realize you just pulled it off. Then, I laughed. I was truly having a special moment with something beyond myself, and it was magical.

I stared at the picture of the three of them for a minute – those three, beautiful and smiling faces of my friend with two of her daughters in front of their Christmas tree. It was Tammy’s last earthly Christmas. I thought of the magnitude of what had just happened: this child-young woman angel, knowing how difficult a first Christmas holiday without her would be for her mother this year and finding a way to put something soft and beautiful in her mother’s hands that would let Peggy know that Tammy had planned for this, had thought of her, months before that moment came to pass. Once again, at Christmastime, Peggy would have a lovely, red Tammy by her side. It was a wondrous moment to realize that Tammy Eisenhart had blown a kiss to her mother on March 22nd, and it had touched my heart as it bypassed its way on deliverance to Peggy. Oh, what a glorious moment it was to have been pulled into that conspiracy of love! I said, looking at the picture for a few minutes, that no one would believe this, if I told them. [Well, I knew Peggy would, because she believes in signs too.] Yet, it was so grand a pre-arrangement that is was almost unfathomable!

I had one final message to Tammy, which I spoke aloud: "I’m going to note this experience beneath this Christmas picture," I said as I typed my message to Peggy. "So, that after your mother opens this present, she can come back and have concrete proof that it really did happen on this day and at this hour!" [Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t aware that Facebook notifies people when a message is put on one of their pictures. I would find that out, later in the morning when Peggy sent me a message.]

Once I’d sent that message, I kissed my fingers and touched the screen where Tammy’s face was staring out at me. "Bless you, Angel!" I whispered. "For thinking such beautiful thoughts of your Mom!"

Then, I let my fingers reach over and rub the picture of Peggy’s hand that was holding the family dog. "Oh, Peggy!" I cried. "Your daughter loves you so much....just you wait and see!"

I don’t know if it was God telling me "good job!" or it was Tammy telling me "thank you!" but, in that moment, I feel a peace come over me. It truly was the one that passes all understanding, and all traces of insomnia left me for that night. I left the computer on with the picture of Peggy and her girls up, because I couldn’t bring myself to shut that down, but I turned off the televison and the lights. Then, I went to bed and slept peacefully like a baby for the rest of the night.

The next morning when I woke, I had a brief moment where I wondered if the whole thing had been some kind of incredible dream? I soon learned that it wasn’t, when I walked into the den and saw my computer screen upright, I knew it had really happened. I walked to it and lightly touched it. The black-sleeping screen, sprang back to life with the touch of my hand. There, I saw the Christmas picture of Peggy, Ashley and Tammy with my note attached to the bottom of it. What surprised me is that Peggy had sent me a message at 8:21 am. 
I had a brief second of disbelief!
"Oh no!" I cried. How had she found the message so quickly? I had wanted this to be a Christmas surprise, but I couldn’t very well NOT tell Peggy what had gone down during my mini-slumber party with her daughter the previous night when she called later in the day, as she indicated she would. I’m not into cruel punishment, which is what that would have been if I’d stayed mum about it all at that point! With me, it’s all about love and light. I glanced at the clock and saw it was a quarter to nine. I went to my kitchen and made me a cup of tea, trying to figure out how I was going to tell Peggy about the miracle I’d been a party to eight hours prior? This was suppose to be a Christmas surprise, I remembered clearly the message put on my heart a few hours earlier. I cringed, thinking I might have let Tammy down in some way, given that her mother now knew what we’d been up to. 
I took my cup of tea into the side yard, while I let my puppies out and sat down in the rocker, saying a heart prayer to Tammy that I was sorry if I’d somehow ruined her surprise with that message I felt compelled to leave beneath the Christmas picture. I closed my eyes with that thought when I felt the soft kiss of a cool morning breeze touch my cheek and another heart message.

Don’t feel that way! Be happy when she calls and tell her all about it, if you want to.

I opened my eyes and took a sip of tea and felt a calming peace come to me again.

By lunchtime, when my phone rang, I greeted Peggy with the joy and exuberance I felt by the visit I’d had with her precious angel the previous night. We had the best talk; we spoke of so many things, and shared several laughs, because when I described how everything unfolded that night, Peggy told me with her own tone of credulity that it sounded JUST like Tammy! How awesome is that?

I remember Peggy telling me that she wanted to pay for the purse, and I said simply, directly and firmly, "NO WAY! If your daughter had wanted you to pay for the Christmas present she wanted you to have, she’d have come to you and woken you up last night and directed YOUR fingers to ShopNBC!"

Peggy laughed when I said that. She knew it was a lost cause to insist upon it. It was good to hear her laugh.

I told her I was a little bummed because I’d wanted it to be a grand surprise for her, and she told me that it was grand.

"Oh, Jhill!" she said softly, overwhelmed [like me] by the magnitude of it all. "This is such a whoa moment! My daughter is so awesome!"

Yeah. Awesome was an appropriate word for it.

She assured me that her knowing about it didn’t detract from the grandness of the story. Given that I also believe things happen as they should, I felt that, perhaps, the message of what happened the previous night was a story that Peggy needed to be aware of in THIS moment, as she continued to struggle with and learn to deal with her new normal regarding Tammy. It was enough to know that good things were coming, and Peggy knows that I’ll figure out a way to put the surprise back into the gift~there are lots of little zippered places and compartments for lots of little add-on remembrances. I promised Tammy that morning that I’d figure out a way to put some surprise elements back into the gift. I think she knows I’m more than capable to rise to that challenge!

Peggy, of course, protested that thought I expressed, but I think she soon realized that me being in cahoots with her daughter was going to be something she was outnumbered in regarding the purse and whatever would be contained inside. And, I think she was excited by the prospect. I distinctly heard excitement in her voice. She knows her daughter, and she knows me! I won’t say that’s going to be a double trouble moment~more like double the pleasure and double the fun! Peggy told me that Tammy must have known that I’d be the perfect person to help her get this done. Tammy certainly has me pegged! [Pardon the pun but wasn’t it a delicious one?] I’m very good at helping someone pull off a surprise for someone they love. I was honored to have been chosen. I remember saying to Peggy, "what are the odds of that happening?" 
These are the odds I’m referring to: A red purse named Tamara was put in my path in the wee hours of a chilly March morning, with a message to buy it for my dear friend, Peggy. It was to be a Christmas gift from her daughter, Tammy, who had gone back to heaven little more than a month prior and was wearing red in the last Christmas pictures taken of her!? To say that God and angels aren’t awesome is a gross understatement! To say that a higher power wasn’t at work in the presence of my home that night-morning, would be stating something inaccurate! Some things in life and beyond are too profound to explain in layman’s terms. This was one of those things-times-moments.

I read something a long time ago that said, "Angels can fly directly into the heart of the matter!" That’s Tammy Eisenhart to a T! Had she lived, she would have been a GREAT choreographer, because she certainly has a flair with orchestrating how a gift is put together that creates something magnificent. Odd, it’s a sentiment that some of my loved ones say about me, which is why this was such a perfect merging of hearts and minds.

I remember saying, before we ended our phone call in a tone that was still dumbfounded by the grandeur of it all, "My God, Peggy, think how much your daughter loves you that she’s setting this up now to ensure that your first Christmas without her physically here, will still provide you with a certain something of her that’s tangibly here! She’s making sure that you’ll still have something soft and huggable that’s got her hand-prints – her name all over it?"
Softly, Peggy said. "I know. She’s pretty amazing!"
"Yeah," I agreed. "She’s pretty doggone amazing! Tell her to come visit me anytime!"

It was a moment!  It was ALL such a wonderful moment. The moment, however, did not end there.
Later that day, another unusual thing happened. A beautiful, red cardinal flew onto my deck and walked around until it came to rest on the stoop of our French doors. It sat there, peering in through the bottom window. I looked up from my computer and froze. It’s eyes were looking right at me when I looked at it. I wanted to get up and go to the door, but I was afraid it would fly away, so I stayed perfectly still as our eyes locked on the other and watched the other. Finally, after a minute or two, knowing that it wouldn’t stay there forever, I lifted my hand in a wave goodbye, and that gorgeous bird lifted one wing back at me, before it took off. 
My hand clutched my chest as I got up and went to look out the door’s windows. There in the woods outside my house, perched on a white dogwood that stands in memory of my son, William, was that lovely little cardinal, sitting perched atop a branch full of white blooms. It was a most beautiful sight! I stood at the door for a few minutes just watching it, knowing that it could see me watching it. Then, it flew away. It visited me a few days later – coming to the stoop at the bottom of the French door and peering into the room, just as it had done earlier. I couldn’t help myself. I named it Tammy. The color red has taken on a whole new dimension for me and the meaning I place on it. I associate the color with Peggy’s daughter now, along with cardinals. It wasn’t happenstance that a red cardinal appeared after this miracle. Cardinals have special meanings for people who believe in such things, and I assure you that I do. They are symbolic of the beauty and warmth that is the Christmas holiday, and that’s what this entire experience was about: sending a special gift and message to someone next Christmas. It’s been written that glimpses of that brilliant red bird bring cheer, hope and inspiration. Yeah. That’s what it did alright. One other thing that’s notable about the cardinal is that some religions view this bird as a carrier of the soul to heaven. [It’s also the state bird of Virginia...just saying....]

Immediately, when I saw that little bird again, I thought of the lyrics to a song that Celine Dion and the Bee Gees did together called Immortality. I pulled the song up on Youtube, and sat with my eyes closed, listening to it. It was another " holy-roller moment", as I heard the song in a new light, because of this experience. Consider the lyrics:

So this is who I am,
And, this is all I know...
And, I must choose to live,
For all that I can give -
The spark that makes the power grow.

And, I will stand for my dream if I can,
Symbol of my faith in who I am,
But, you are my only...
And, I must follow on the road that lies ahead,
And, I won't let my heart control my head,
But, you are my only.
We don't say goodbye....
I know what I've got to be....

Immortality,
I make my journey through eternity.
I keep the memory of you and me inside.

Fulfill your destiny!
Is there within the child.
My storm will never end.
My fate is on the wind.
The king of hearts, the joker's wild.....
We don't say goodbye!
I'll make them all remember me....

‘Cause I have found a dream that must come true.
Every ounce of me must see it though,
But you are my only...
I'm sorry, I don't have a role for love to play.
Hand over my heart, I'll find my way.
I will make them give to me...
Immortality,
There is a vision and a fire in me.
I keep the memory of you and me, inside....
And we don't say goodbye!
We don't say goodbye!
With all my love for you,
And what else we may do,
We don't say, goodbye....

Tears came to my eyes as I listened to those words and thought about this blessed experience that I had been privileged to be a part of. It still, more than a week later, feels surreal to me. Yet, I know it happened, and I believe I had a mini-slumber party with Peggy’s angel Tammy in the wee hours of that March morning.

In considering all aspects of that experience, I’m reminded of a directive that Richard Crashaw has posed to his fellow humankind: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." I’ll go for the miracle every time. Thank you, Tammy for giving me one on March 22nd. What a beautiful angel you are....a beautiful red cardinal too! Every ounce of you saw that dream come true, and I’m honored you chose me to be a part of it. Hand over my heart, I’m so grateful for the blessing of this miracle you sent my way! Now, go journey through eternity, Tammakins love, as brilliantly as you did here. And, thank you most of all for proving beyond ANY doubt of reason that though life can separate souls, we’re still VERY much connected, because we don’t say goodbye.....

http://youtu.be/7e940gEtWgQ [Immortality - Celine Dion & The Bee Gees]

The "Tamara" purse a.k.a. "Tammy"