The Moment

Ashley, Peggy and Tammy Eisenhart

Christmas 2011

Angels deliver Fate to our doorstep - and anywhere else it’s needed. ~Jessi Lane Adams

http://youtu.be/447yaU_4DF8 [The Moment/Kenny G]

Make yourself familiar with the angels, and behold them frequently in spirit; for, without being seen, they are present with you. ~St Francis of Sales


Have you ever had a moment – one that was so grand and surreal that it made you pause to question what had actually happened? Have you ever had a moment so lovely in the overall context of it all, that it put an entirely different spin on the concept of beautiful? Have you ever had a moment so miraculous that you felt the angels in heaven were surely singing? I had a moment just like that a little over a week ago. It was quite simply spectacular!

For those who know me, and those who have been reading my blog, you know that I’m a sign person. I believe in them! Well, I had a sign on March 22nd, that can only be classified as having been heaven sent. Before I begin, let me just say that I’ve had experiences where my loved ones, those who have gone to heaven, have sent me signs from beyond and visited me with the feeling of their presence close by. I’ve never experienced that feeling with the loved one of a loved one. I can tell you that it’s every bit as powerful an experience.

If you don’t believe in such things, I can respect that. I can also say that I feel sorry that you don’t know the unbridled joy of knowing that someone you love remains connected to you no matter the space and distance that separates. If you do believe in such things, you’re in for a real holy roller moment, as a friend of mine says about joyously divine happenings.

So, strap on and in. Here we go:

Wednesday night, March 21^st, about 11:30 pm, I began having an anxious feeling that I wasn’t going to sleep that night. For any of you who suffer with insomnia, I don’t need to explain what that feeling is. The nights are long and draining when your body is tired, your mind is exhausted and your entire makeup~body, mind, and spirit, longs for and craves a sleep that might not come. A couple of times a month, I have nights where sleep evades me, and I spend those long, sleepless nights, searching the web, watching late-night television, listening to music or writing. I had a sense that I was about to have one of "those" nights.

It was after one a.m. on the 22^nd, when I began to channel surf – hoping to find something that might settle me down a bit so that I could feel Mr. Sandman coming to claim me. I can still feel my mouth drop when I hit a channel in the high 100's. It was ShopNBC. I’m not very familiar with that shopping channel. I’d heard of it, but I’m a QVC gal [been with them since its inception in the late 80's], and I periodically check in with HSN. Being disabled, I have a hard time getting over to the mall anymore, and why bother when the mall can come to you via tv? It’s a GREAT invention! Back to the story at hand. So, I stop on the ShopNBC channel just as the woman is show-casing a Madi Claire leather handbag.

You may be asking, "what’s the big deal?"
HERE is the big deal: the bag was named Tamara.  [That's Tammy's name.]  

I hear some of you saying, still not certain of the awesomeness of that, "I’m still not getting the BIG deal part!?"
Further explanation of "the big deal" is this: In February, my friend, Peggy, un-expectantly suffered the worst nightmare any parent can endure, when her daughter, Tammy, passed away in her sleep. I’ve previously written about the awful moment when I learned of it. Now, in this moment, I was looking at a beautiful red, leather purse with a touch of zebra print named Tamara. I don’t know what happened in my den that night or early morning other than to say that I felt something in the room with me, and I heard a request put upon my heart. This is different than hearing the voice of a loved one whispering something in your ear. I felt a message placed on my heart that was as plain as if the voice had been audible, "please get this for my mom! I want her to have something of me to carry and hold onto at Christmas." Yeah, I know. It was March and Christmas was a full nine months away. Still, that was the message that filled my heart, clear as a bell– so, so clear.

I felt a chill, but not in a bad way, and the hair on my neck slowly rose. 
"Tammy," I whispered out loud. "Are you here?"
I must tell you I felt a little silly asking it, because it didn’t escape me that IF this beautiful young woman was going to come to someone, I believed that it would surely be to her mother, her father, her sisters, her grandparents or her friends. Certainly, I thought, it wouldn’t be to a friend of her mother’s! But, God and angels work in mysterious ways and use whatever vessel-whatever means is available and open to them at the moment, to transmit a special message. I’m open to such things, and Peggy’s Tammy knew that.

The response came to my heart with a louder urging of, "Please get this for my mom!" Yes. I felt the urgent emphasis on the word "please."

I paused.

"Were you wearing red last Christmas, Tammy?" I softly asked, reaching back into my memory to pull forward the beautiful pictures that I had seen of Peggy’s family the previous holiday. I couldn’t recall using my memory. Quickly, my fingers typed Peggy’s name into Facebook so that I could pull up her holiday album. I remembered someone wearing red, but I couldn’t remember if it was Tammy. My mouth dropped again when the picture came up, and I saw my friend, Peggy, flanked on either side by two of her beautiful daughters, one of whom was Tammy. Both were wearing red.

I felt a whoosh of air exhale as tears came to my eyes. I think I whispered, "Oh my God!"

In that moment, I felt a most unusual thing – a feeling of polite impatience as the message filled my heart again, "PLEASE! You can cry in a minute, but PLEASE get this for my mom!" Yes, I felt the distinct emphasis on the words "please".

The feeling made me chuckle in one regard. Having shopped via television channels for many years, I know how it works. The telecast is sent to millions of homes, and things can sell-out quickly. If something sells out, there’s no telling when it will return. There IS a sense of urgency shopping that way if you see something that strikes your fancy! As that feeling came to me, the show host made the statement that it had taken them seven months to get this particular purse back in stock. Without hesitation, I reached for the phone and called ShopNBC. After I ordered that purse, I sighed happily and said, "Alright Tammakins! Done deal! Your Momma is getting a beautiful red purse for Christmas with your name on it – something extra special for her to carry and hold onto at the holiday!" [Don’t ask me why I called her "Tammakins", because I have no clue, and I don’t remember if I even told Peggy that I called her that when we spoke about it.] But I did. And I laughed. This laugh came out of me that I’d never heard before. It was a deliciously giddy and wickedly funny sort of laugh! It was a "we did it", kind of laugh - the kind that comes when you want to surprise someone really good, and you realize you just pulled it off. Then, I laughed. I was truly having a special moment with something beyond myself, and it was magical.

I stared at the picture of the three of them for a minute – those three, beautiful and smiling faces of my friend with two of her daughters in front of their Christmas tree. It was Tammy’s last earthly Christmas. I thought of the magnitude of what had just happened: this child-young woman angel, knowing how difficult a first Christmas holiday without her would be for her mother this year and finding a way to put something soft and beautiful in her mother’s hands that would let Peggy know that Tammy had planned for this, had thought of her, months before that moment came to pass. Once again, at Christmastime, Peggy would have a lovely, red Tammy by her side. It was a wondrous moment to realize that Tammy Eisenhart had blown a kiss to her mother on March 22nd, and it had touched my heart as it bypassed its way on deliverance to Peggy. Oh, what a glorious moment it was to have been pulled into that conspiracy of love! I said, looking at the picture for a few minutes, that no one would believe this, if I told them. [Well, I knew Peggy would, because she believes in signs too.] Yet, it was so grand a pre-arrangement that is was almost unfathomable!

I had one final message to Tammy, which I spoke aloud: "I’m going to note this experience beneath this Christmas picture," I said as I typed my message to Peggy. "So, that after your mother opens this present, she can come back and have concrete proof that it really did happen on this day and at this hour!" [Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t aware that Facebook notifies people when a message is put on one of their pictures. I would find that out, later in the morning when Peggy sent me a message.]

Once I’d sent that message, I kissed my fingers and touched the screen where Tammy’s face was staring out at me. "Bless you, Angel!" I whispered. "For thinking such beautiful thoughts of your Mom!"

Then, I let my fingers reach over and rub the picture of Peggy’s hand that was holding the family dog. "Oh, Peggy!" I cried. "Your daughter loves you so much....just you wait and see!"

I don’t know if it was God telling me "good job!" or it was Tammy telling me "thank you!" but, in that moment, I feel a peace come over me. It truly was the one that passes all understanding, and all traces of insomnia left me for that night. I left the computer on with the picture of Peggy and her girls up, because I couldn’t bring myself to shut that down, but I turned off the televison and the lights. Then, I went to bed and slept peacefully like a baby for the rest of the night.

The next morning when I woke, I had a brief moment where I wondered if the whole thing had been some kind of incredible dream? I soon learned that it wasn’t, when I walked into the den and saw my computer screen upright, I knew it had really happened. I walked to it and lightly touched it. The black-sleeping screen, sprang back to life with the touch of my hand. There, I saw the Christmas picture of Peggy, Ashley and Tammy with my note attached to the bottom of it. What surprised me is that Peggy had sent me a message at 8:21 am. 
I had a brief second of disbelief!
"Oh no!" I cried. How had she found the message so quickly? I had wanted this to be a Christmas surprise, but I couldn’t very well NOT tell Peggy what had gone down during my mini-slumber party with her daughter the previous night when she called later in the day, as she indicated she would. I’m not into cruel punishment, which is what that would have been if I’d stayed mum about it all at that point! With me, it’s all about love and light. I glanced at the clock and saw it was a quarter to nine. I went to my kitchen and made me a cup of tea, trying to figure out how I was going to tell Peggy about the miracle I’d been a party to eight hours prior? This was suppose to be a Christmas surprise, I remembered clearly the message put on my heart a few hours earlier. I cringed, thinking I might have let Tammy down in some way, given that her mother now knew what we’d been up to. 
I took my cup of tea into the side yard, while I let my puppies out and sat down in the rocker, saying a heart prayer to Tammy that I was sorry if I’d somehow ruined her surprise with that message I felt compelled to leave beneath the Christmas picture. I closed my eyes with that thought when I felt the soft kiss of a cool morning breeze touch my cheek and another heart message.

Don’t feel that way! Be happy when she calls and tell her all about it, if you want to.

I opened my eyes and took a sip of tea and felt a calming peace come to me again.

By lunchtime, when my phone rang, I greeted Peggy with the joy and exuberance I felt by the visit I’d had with her precious angel the previous night. We had the best talk; we spoke of so many things, and shared several laughs, because when I described how everything unfolded that night, Peggy told me with her own tone of credulity that it sounded JUST like Tammy! How awesome is that?

I remember Peggy telling me that she wanted to pay for the purse, and I said simply, directly and firmly, "NO WAY! If your daughter had wanted you to pay for the Christmas present she wanted you to have, she’d have come to you and woken you up last night and directed YOUR fingers to ShopNBC!"

Peggy laughed when I said that. She knew it was a lost cause to insist upon it. It was good to hear her laugh.

I told her I was a little bummed because I’d wanted it to be a grand surprise for her, and she told me that it was grand.

"Oh, Jhill!" she said softly, overwhelmed [like me] by the magnitude of it all. "This is such a whoa moment! My daughter is so awesome!"

Yeah. Awesome was an appropriate word for it.

She assured me that her knowing about it didn’t detract from the grandness of the story. Given that I also believe things happen as they should, I felt that, perhaps, the message of what happened the previous night was a story that Peggy needed to be aware of in THIS moment, as she continued to struggle with and learn to deal with her new normal regarding Tammy. It was enough to know that good things were coming, and Peggy knows that I’ll figure out a way to put the surprise back into the gift~there are lots of little zippered places and compartments for lots of little add-on remembrances. I promised Tammy that morning that I’d figure out a way to put some surprise elements back into the gift. I think she knows I’m more than capable to rise to that challenge!

Peggy, of course, protested that thought I expressed, but I think she soon realized that me being in cahoots with her daughter was going to be something she was outnumbered in regarding the purse and whatever would be contained inside. And, I think she was excited by the prospect. I distinctly heard excitement in her voice. She knows her daughter, and she knows me! I won’t say that’s going to be a double trouble moment~more like double the pleasure and double the fun! Peggy told me that Tammy must have known that I’d be the perfect person to help her get this done. Tammy certainly has me pegged! [Pardon the pun but wasn’t it a delicious one?] I’m very good at helping someone pull off a surprise for someone they love. I was honored to have been chosen. I remember saying to Peggy, "what are the odds of that happening?" 
These are the odds I’m referring to: A red purse named Tamara was put in my path in the wee hours of a chilly March morning, with a message to buy it for my dear friend, Peggy. It was to be a Christmas gift from her daughter, Tammy, who had gone back to heaven little more than a month prior and was wearing red in the last Christmas pictures taken of her!? To say that God and angels aren’t awesome is a gross understatement! To say that a higher power wasn’t at work in the presence of my home that night-morning, would be stating something inaccurate! Some things in life and beyond are too profound to explain in layman’s terms. This was one of those things-times-moments.

I read something a long time ago that said, "Angels can fly directly into the heart of the matter!" That’s Tammy Eisenhart to a T! Had she lived, she would have been a GREAT choreographer, because she certainly has a flair with orchestrating how a gift is put together that creates something magnificent. Odd, it’s a sentiment that some of my loved ones say about me, which is why this was such a perfect merging of hearts and minds.

I remember saying, before we ended our phone call in a tone that was still dumbfounded by the grandeur of it all, "My God, Peggy, think how much your daughter loves you that she’s setting this up now to ensure that your first Christmas without her physically here, will still provide you with a certain something of her that’s tangibly here! She’s making sure that you’ll still have something soft and huggable that’s got her hand-prints – her name all over it?"
Softly, Peggy said. "I know. She’s pretty amazing!"
"Yeah," I agreed. "She’s pretty doggone amazing! Tell her to come visit me anytime!"

It was a moment!  It was ALL such a wonderful moment. The moment, however, did not end there.
Later that day, another unusual thing happened. A beautiful, red cardinal flew onto my deck and walked around until it came to rest on the stoop of our French doors. It sat there, peering in through the bottom window. I looked up from my computer and froze. It’s eyes were looking right at me when I looked at it. I wanted to get up and go to the door, but I was afraid it would fly away, so I stayed perfectly still as our eyes locked on the other and watched the other. Finally, after a minute or two, knowing that it wouldn’t stay there forever, I lifted my hand in a wave goodbye, and that gorgeous bird lifted one wing back at me, before it took off. 
My hand clutched my chest as I got up and went to look out the door’s windows. There in the woods outside my house, perched on a white dogwood that stands in memory of my son, William, was that lovely little cardinal, sitting perched atop a branch full of white blooms. It was a most beautiful sight! I stood at the door for a few minutes just watching it, knowing that it could see me watching it. Then, it flew away. It visited me a few days later – coming to the stoop at the bottom of the French door and peering into the room, just as it had done earlier. I couldn’t help myself. I named it Tammy. The color red has taken on a whole new dimension for me and the meaning I place on it. I associate the color with Peggy’s daughter now, along with cardinals. It wasn’t happenstance that a red cardinal appeared after this miracle. Cardinals have special meanings for people who believe in such things, and I assure you that I do. They are symbolic of the beauty and warmth that is the Christmas holiday, and that’s what this entire experience was about: sending a special gift and message to someone next Christmas. It’s been written that glimpses of that brilliant red bird bring cheer, hope and inspiration. Yeah. That’s what it did alright. One other thing that’s notable about the cardinal is that some religions view this bird as a carrier of the soul to heaven. [It’s also the state bird of Virginia...just saying....]

Immediately, when I saw that little bird again, I thought of the lyrics to a song that Celine Dion and the Bee Gees did together called Immortality. I pulled the song up on Youtube, and sat with my eyes closed, listening to it. It was another " holy-roller moment", as I heard the song in a new light, because of this experience. Consider the lyrics:

So this is who I am,
And, this is all I know...
And, I must choose to live,
For all that I can give -
The spark that makes the power grow.

And, I will stand for my dream if I can,
Symbol of my faith in who I am,
But, you are my only...
And, I must follow on the road that lies ahead,
And, I won't let my heart control my head,
But, you are my only.
We don't say goodbye....
I know what I've got to be....

Immortality,
I make my journey through eternity.
I keep the memory of you and me inside.

Fulfill your destiny!
Is there within the child.
My storm will never end.
My fate is on the wind.
The king of hearts, the joker's wild.....
We don't say goodbye!
I'll make them all remember me....

‘Cause I have found a dream that must come true.
Every ounce of me must see it though,
But you are my only...
I'm sorry, I don't have a role for love to play.
Hand over my heart, I'll find my way.
I will make them give to me...
Immortality,
There is a vision and a fire in me.
I keep the memory of you and me, inside....
And we don't say goodbye!
We don't say goodbye!
With all my love for you,
And what else we may do,
We don't say, goodbye....

Tears came to my eyes as I listened to those words and thought about this blessed experience that I had been privileged to be a part of. It still, more than a week later, feels surreal to me. Yet, I know it happened, and I believe I had a mini-slumber party with Peggy’s angel Tammy in the wee hours of that March morning.

In considering all aspects of that experience, I’m reminded of a directive that Richard Crashaw has posed to his fellow humankind: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." I’ll go for the miracle every time. Thank you, Tammy for giving me one on March 22nd. What a beautiful angel you are....a beautiful red cardinal too! Every ounce of you saw that dream come true, and I’m honored you chose me to be a part of it. Hand over my heart, I’m so grateful for the blessing of this miracle you sent my way! Now, go journey through eternity, Tammakins love, as brilliantly as you did here. And, thank you most of all for proving beyond ANY doubt of reason that though life can separate souls, we’re still VERY much connected, because we don’t say goodbye.....

http://youtu.be/7e940gEtWgQ [Immortality - Celine Dion & The Bee Gees]

The "Tamara" purse a.k.a. "Tammy"

Little Man

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle." ~Vincent Van Gogh

http://youtu.be/L4kFFMdVjl0  God Danced The Day You Were Born~Hot Soup

Nineteen years ago today, God blessed me with one of the most profound experiences I have ever had in my life! I was in the delivery room as one of my best friends delivered her baby. I was her birth coach, you see. It was nothing short of a miracle. It was the day when I honestly knew what it felt like to dance upon a cloud.  Let me tell you: Dancing on a cloud is AMAZING!  It's a high that defies explanation!
I’ve only known that feeling a very few times in my life.  It's a special experience.  Dakota’s birth was one of them. I’ll never forget the day his mother told me she was pregnant. Her husband of three months was squeamish when it came to matters of blood and whatnot, and I was her best girlfriend so, she delivered the news in one HUGE moment by telling me about her pregnancy and informing me of my nomination by both her and her husband that I should be her birth coach. It was an honor. I didn’t hesitate for a moment in saying yes, that I would gladly do it.
"Don’t answer so quickly," she said with caution. "He’s due around Christmas, and it’ll mean that you’ve got to be on call 24-7 - no going out of town."
I took hold of her hands and looked her in the eyes, still holding firm to my decision, "I’m in!"
This was during the period in my life when I worked at the hotel in Rockville, Maryland. I started out as Sales Coordinator and eventually worked my way up to its Director of Sales. Rosemary was the Reservations Manager. We worked very closely together and thereafter, upon an auspicious meeting, our friendship blossomed.
It was an interesting time for me - going through that pregnancy with her. God knew then, unbeknownst to me, that I would not get to experience all the phases of my pregnancies, so he gave me the gift of Rosemary’s to go through-experience-relish.  I got to experience and witness all aspects of the experience without having the pain of delivering the baby.  It's more than some adoptive mothers get to be a part of.  I was grateful to be asked to do it.  If I had to rate it as a ride at Disney World, I’d give that experience a solid 55 out of a high score of 10. It was an unbelievable experience!  It was a true "WOW" moment!
I think Rosemary wanted me to do it because she knew that I had mother hen tendencies [in a good way], and I would make certain that she was eating right and taking her vitamins  - reminding her of all the things that can be overwhelming when you’re pregnant and have so much to do to take care of yourself, let alone someone else you’re carrying inside and a few others around you to boot.   When you're always putting yourself last on the list in "taking care of" order, it's wise to have someone in your corner who will put you on the list first.  She knew she could count on me for that, and she needed someone to do that for her in that particular moment in her life.
What can I say? I’m a good nurturer.  It's one of my assests. I come from a solid line of good nurturers, and when you’re pregnant, you need someone who’s willing to do that for you, while you’re busy taking care of all your other responsibilities.
Rosemary came from Italian stock; she had a very strong-willed, determined mother who imprinted solidly upon her. I come from southern stock; I have a very strong-willed, determined mother and grandmother who came before me, and who imprinted just as solidly upon me. If we had been playing sports against the other, I’d say it was an odds on bet that either of us could be the one favored to win. It was just that close in the strong-willed, determined department. 
Rosemary could be just as stubborn as me when she believed strongly enough about something.  She wasn't too stubborn with me during her pregnancy however. During that time, I won those battles wills [for lack of a better word], because she knew I was looking out for not only her best interests but the babies too, and she appreciated it.  It's why she asked me to be her birth coach.
Case in point: Rosemary wasn’t a big eater [although her lasagna could make a grown man cry tears of joy, but that’s a story for another day.], She didn’t do breakfast, she didn’t snack much.....I KNOW....I don’t get people who pass up golden opportunities to eat when the rule of thumb calls for you to eat, but that’s just me!
Anyway, I made some homemade granola one day and took an apple and a container of vanilla yogurt into work for her breakfast. [For those of you who are new to the blog, I had a catering business in a past life....] Anyway, I got into work early and went over to the restaurant inside the hotel, taking a tray and adding a glass of juice and a bowl, with napkin and silverware to fix her a "lite" but healthy/nutritious breakfast.
I’ll never forget the look on her face the first time I did this. I placed the tray down on her desk. She looked it over then up at me. She smiled appreciatively and politely noted. "I don’t eat breakfast."
I smiled politely back. "You do now," I informed.
"I'm not crazy about granola or yogurt."
"It’s not for you! It’s for the little one inside you who’s probably starving," I told her, then said something she always said to me when she brought something in for me to try. "Mange!"
She took a bite of the yogurt with the homemade granola [oats, assorted nuts, golden raisins, and a few other dried fruits]. "It’s not bad," she admitted.
I smiled. "See what happens when you open-mindedly try something," I replied. "You like it!"
She chewed crunchily on a bite. "I wouldn’t go that far, but it's not bad," she replied, looking back at me quizically. "Is this going to be a daily habit?"
"Are you planning on having the baby right now?"
She gave me a funny look. "No!" she said, rolling her eyes and laughing. "You nut!"
I nodded my acceptance. "Then, I guess it’s going to be a daily habit."
As I turned to leave her office and go back downstairs to mine, she called to me. "JhillyBean!"
I turned to look at her.
"Yeah?"
She smiled, taking another bite. "Thanks."
I smiled back. "Don’t mention it!" I said, then reminded. "I’ll be back at three with a fruit parfait."
She groaned, but, silently, I think she liked it – appreciated it.  I was living up to expectation. She knew when she asked me to be her birth coach that I would take it very seriously – as seriously as I would take the pregnancy being my own. I think she knew that I would make sure she was fed, because that wasn’t something normally high on her list of things to take care of. A cup of coffee and she was good to go. Not in my book. Not on my watch. Not with my nephew on board....
For months, I watched as she grew ripe and full of baby. It was a beautiful sight.
We had a coffee machine in the sales department. I had housekeeping move a small refrigerator in there too, where I kept yogurt, fruits, juices, etc. I’ll never forget one morning, she had to have been a good six months pregnant, her coming into the office to make herself a cup of tea. She stopped at my desk and I put my hands on either side of the growing ball she had pushing out from her stomach and began to talk to it.   This humored her.
Imran, a friend and Sales Manger walked out from his office, looked at us both and said, "Jhill!’ in his voice thick with a Pakistani accent, which sounded more British to me. "What are you doing?"
"I’m talking to my nephew!" I said completely unembarrassed by my gesture. "What does it look like I’m doing?"
Rosemary shook her head at Imran [we were all good friends] and pointed at me. "She and Lewie have a bet over whose voice the baby will recognize first."
Imran laughed. "This kid is going to be spoiled rotten!"
"Oh hush!" I waived him off. "He’s going to be loved abundantly!" I disagreed. "There’s a difference!"
"What is it?" he inquired, challenging the point. "Tell me the difference."
I laughed. "Why don’t you make yourself useful and go sell something!" I chimed back.
We all laughed.
Imran had just become a father himself. "I don’t recall you going to this extent for me," he noted.
I smiled sweetly. "You didn’t ask me to be your wife’s birth coach!"
He had no comeback reply for that one, so he went out on sales calls. Still, he remembered the love overflowing from us all when his daughter, Azzah, had been born. We teased and played all in good fun, but we were considered by the rest of the hotel staff to be the three musketeers: Rosemary, Imran and me. Those were good times....working at the hotel with those two.
Of course, I gave Rosemary her baby shower. It was a wonderful Saturday in the fall, and I remember everyone telling me that I should open a catering business, because the food was good as were the decorations and party favors. They all thought others should get the chance to experience my In Good Taste flair as they had.
Having run a catering business in Florida, I knew it wasn’t something I could do alone in Maryland, although I did love and enjoy doing it.  Catering is HARD work.  But, the comments and thoughts pleased me. It was a wonderful day, and I could see that Rosemary was overwhelmed by the love and well-wishes that came to her that day from so many people.
I gave her an antique rocking chair – an old Bostonian style one that I’d found in an antique store. She hugged me BIG when I gave it to her. I also made things for the baby as well: two lamps and I crocheted his baby blanket out of yarn she had picked. The love was overflowing that day with gifts and more gifts.  When Lewie came to pick her up, he seemed impressed by the "haul".  It had been another good day.
We were counting them down until the BIG one arrived.
During the autumn months we took the Lamaze classes. It was all so interesting and fascinating to learn about and listen to how the baby grows and develops through each stage of the pregnancy.  The chemical changes that occur in the body, which starts each chemical-chain reaction for one thing or another to start growing-formulating-developing....how every detail of development going on within a fetus is timed down with the precision of a second-hand clock was nothing short of amazing. Did I say it was a miracle already? It truly is....I don’t think people realize how truly miraculous it is for a baby to be born perfect - with all 10 fingers and all 10 toes intact as well as everything else. There are so many things that go on in a woman’s body, especially when she's pregnant, that are dependent upon the chemicals releasing at just the right time to make it all happen smoothly with no glitches.  The developmental process occurs with a military precision that would make the military sit up and take note. I learned so much in those classes.
I was the one who took the book from class and packed the overnight bag.  I kept it in my car at all times, so we were ready to go when our little Man decided to make his grand entrance.
This baby reminded me a LOT of my father: he did things on HIS timetable – when he was ready, and not one minute before! In other words, he was late for his due date. I spent the night with Dakota’s parents on Christmas Eve that year. It was an unusual Christmas Eve, but one that I enjoyed nonetheless. My family was going down to Richmond, and I couldn’t risk her going into labor, and not being readily available, so I stayed with them at their condo that year.
We watched Christmas movies, exchanged gifts, ordered in pizza and just hung out. We shared a couple of stories about our past Christmases. Rosemary’s heritage was Italian, and I asked her about the Feast of the Seven Fishes. It was interesting. I learned something new that night, because I’d never heard the details of that tradition before. We had a great time as we continued our vigil.
I remember calling my family and telling them to have safe travels to Richmond the following morning. I fixed my bed on the sofa and slept beneath the lights of their Christmas tree. I remember staring at it – those lights and thinking about what the holiday truly meant. I can’t describe it other than to say that the thoughts and feelings were very profound, and my heart was full of joy knowing that soon, our little Man would be taking his place in the world.  The thought made bringing a child into the world so much more special having it happen during the holy season.
Christmas came and went with no appearance. We went back to work. [Rose worked up until the time she delivered.] Everyone laughed that this kid just didn’t want to come out and meet everyone! So, we waited and waited and waited some more. Lewie gave me a pager so that they could beep me at anytime if I was out doing errands, on Sales calls or if it was the middle of the night  "our little Man" decided he would come out to play. At that time, I lived in my parent’s basement apartment, but we shared the phone.  Rosemary and Lewie didn’t want to disturb my parents in the middle of night, if little man decided he was ready to come out and join the party between the hours of midnight to six a.m.
At lunchtime, on December 29^th, we walked the floors of the hotel. Rosemary’s doctor said that walking might help induce labor. After work, Rosemary and Lewie went over to Lakeforest Mall and walked for about an hour more. I think the walking did the trick.
At 2:30 a.m.; the beeper went off just as my mother came running down the basement stairs. Apparently, in his excitement over Rosemary’s water breaking, Lewie called the house first THEN called the pager. My heart began to race.
"I’ll meet you guys there within the hour," I said excitedly.
"Great! Yeah! Great!" he replied, too excited to really hear me.
There was a pause, then I heard Rosemary’s voice. She was calm. "Be careful driving over. We’ll see you soon. Don’t rush! We’ve got lots of time!"
"Tell Lewie to be careful!" I replied, noting how calm she sounded but knowing that Lewie was in a mini tailspin. "He’s carrying precious cargo!"
"I’ll tell him," she told me.
"See you guys soon," I replied. "Love you!"
I could hear a smile in her voice. "Love you back!"
I remember turning off the phone and sitting in my bed for a minute, inhaling four-exhaling eight, which is a yoga technique for centering oneself. I did it three times to calm myself because I knew Rosemary didn’t need her husband and best friend both off the hook.
My mother made me a cup of coffee and slice of cinnamon toast, because we didn’t know how long the labor would last. In the Lamaze classes, we heard tales of eight hours up to two days. I couldn’t imagine two days.....Mom kissed my cheek as she headed back to bed.
"Call me when he arrives and let me know how everyone is doing," she told me.
I nodded that I would.
Quickly, I went and washed my face then got dressed in the comfortable clothes that had been laying across the chair in my bedroom for a couple of weeks waiting for just this moment.
I grabbed my purse and the car keys and headed upstairs to grab a packet of crackers, if I needed them for later.
When I got to the hospital, things were moving quickly on the maternity ward. Hustle and bustle quick.
Rosemary looked pale when I walked into her room. I looked around but didn’t see Lewie there.
I put the overnight bag down and went to the bed, reaching for her hand.
"Where’s Lew?"
"He went to get some ice chips."
"How are you feeling?" I asked, pulling the chair closer with my free hand so that I could sit down.
"JhillyBean," she said, letting me see her concern. "If I’ve got to go through 12-18 hours of this, I don’t know if I’m going to make it!"
Her eyes teared. I knew the pain of the contractions were bad. Rosemary was NOT a crier.  I am, but she's not.  She, like me, had high pain tolerance.  It was troubling if she was complaining.  I could only imagine how bad and intense the pain must be.
"What did the nurse say?"
She shook her head. "Nothing yet."
"Where’s your doctor?"
"He’s on his way."
Just then, a contraction hit.  She groaned.  I squeezed her hand, as we breathed through it: "he*he*he-----whoooooooooooooooooo" blows. I could tell by the way she squeezed my hand exactly how bad the pain was.  NOT good.   
I reached for the overnight back and unzipped the pocket pulling out the booklet we had gotten in Lamaze class. Quickly, I thumbed through it, trying to locate the place we were at within the labor process.
"How long have you been in labor?" I asked. We’d not discussed it when they’d called to tell me to get to the hospital.
It was pushing 4 a.m.
She closed her eyes trying to find some place of physical comfort, given her circumstance.
She shook her head again. "I don’t know....a few hours."
Her situation didn’t sound like anything we’d been told about in class with regard to the first stages of labor - how it would go or what could be expected. It wasn’t suppose to be this hard this early on.
I must have looked like an idiot, rapidly turning the pages, trying to find some clue as to what else might be going on? I had paid attention in that class! I had paid attention like my life depended on it. Still, I had no clue what we were dealing with?
Just then, a nurse past by, and I flagged her down. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t Rosemary’s nurse. I didn’t know who her nurse was at that point. All I knew was we needed a nurse, and for me, ANY nurse would do.
"Excuse me," I said, reminding myself to stay calm. "She’s in a LOT of pain here, and I’m not really sure what’s going on? This doesn’t seem like the first stages of labor to me."
"Let me get your nurse."
"Thank you," I replied, feeling my frustration level begin to rise.
While we waited, I went to get a cold washcloth.
Lew got back with ice chips about the time that her nurse arrived.
I introduced myself as Rosemary’s birth coach and asked. "Can you tell us what’s going on? She’s in a LOT of pain, and as I told the other nurse, I don’t recall mention of it being this taxing, this early on."
The nurse looked at Rosemary, then me. "You're in rapid, hard labor, Honey!" she said.
Rosemary was focused on her breathing.
My eyes squinched together. "What exactly does that mean?" I didn’t recall anything about that in the book. If it there was, I missed it, and I read that book cover to cover three or four times.
"Her labor is coming hard and fast," the nurse explained. "She’s in the last stages of it."
I glanced over at Rosemary. I don’t think she was processing it.
My brows came together. "What?" I replied.  "Last stages?" I asked, not sure I was understanding. "You mean 'pushing' last stages? Are you saying she’s gone from A-Z in little more than two hours?"
The nurse nodded. "She’s almost fully effaced.  Yes. She'll be ready to push soon. The doctor should be here any minute, and we'll move her over to the delivery room."
My eyes widened.  It was all happening too fast.  I tried to get my bearings.
"How’s the pain?" the nurse asked Rosemary. "Do you want an epidural? If you do, we’ll have to give it to you soon."
Rosemary had planned for an all-natural birth. Sometimes, it’s good to be open to other alternatives.
"Can I talk to them?"
The nurse nodded. "I’ll check back in a few minutes."
Just as she left, another contraction hit. Again, we did our panting and releasing breaths.
"What do you want to do?" I asked quickly, before another contraction hit.
"God!" she cried. "I don’t know! I wanted to do this on my own."
Her eyes locked on mine.
"Honey!" I tried to be encouraging and supportive. "Don’t try and be a heroine here! If it’s bad, take the shot! Who cares if you don’t do it 100% all natural? My gosh, you’ve done most of it naturally! Just do what’s best for you at this point!"
Lewie nodded.
She bit her lip, thinking just as another contraction hit. Again, we panted and blew.
When it was over, she nodded that she wanted the shot.
"Lew," I said. "Would you go find the nurse and tell her that she wants the shot?"
He nodded, not minding the errand. This was, after all, the reason I was called in to be the birth coach.  I could handle pressure - didn't buckle under the weight of it.
I remember giving Rosemary an ice chip and taking the cloth and wiping her forehead.
"What do you need?" I asked her.
Rosemary was the kind of person who didn’t like a lot of people hovering around her.
"Just sit with me," she said.  She was also not one who liked people fussing over her, especially if she was in rapid, hard labor.
I smiled. "I’m not going anywhere!" I assured. "I’m in for the duration.  You just tell me what you need when you need it!"
She closed her eyes and nodded, as a momentary peaceful expression came to her face. She was happy to hear it.  It was the best gift I could give to her.
We went through one more contraction before the nurse arrived with the epidural.
Lewie looked like he might pass out.
"I need a soda," he said, needing a reason to excuse himself again. "You want one?" The sight of the needle had made him slightly queasy.
I shook my head, wishing I could go with him, because the sight of the needle had made me a little queasy too. I was the birth coach, however. It was my job to stay and face the music with her no matter what it might be.
"Babe," he called to Rosemary. "I’ll be back in a minute."
She didn’t seem to notice – to hear him.  As each contraction became more intense, her focus was solely on riding the waves through it.
I think I looked to Rosemary the way Lewie had looked to me. It was my ashen face she saw, not the needle.
"What’s wrong?" she asked.
I shook my head. "Nothing," I gulped, not wanting to upset her, and I certainly didn't want to frighten her. I’d never seen a needle that large though, and I couldn’t imagine it being injected into her!
"Just a little warm in here," I told her.  "That’s all."  What I really wanted to say was: "Don't do it!  She's getting ready to stick something into you that would make Mr. Ed wave a white flag of surrender!"
The nurse moved quickly, telling Rosemary what she was doing as she did it.
"Don’t move!" she said, before she got ready to inject the numbing agent.
I think I looked at the nurse in utter disbelief! How in the world could you expect someone not to move, let alone tell them to stay still, when you're about to stick something like that into them?
Still, it wasn't my place to red-light a decision that Rosemary had made.  It was, after all, her pain level not mine that needed relief.
"It’ll only sting for a minute!" the nurse told her.
I prayed it would only sting for a second, beyond that, I wasn’t saying a word about it, because I wasn't going to be a "Liar!  Liar! Pants on fire!", although I think I rolled my eyes when she said it, which Rosemary had obviously not seen.
"Focus on your friend," the nurse suggested.
I wanted to shout, "NO! Don’t focus on me! I want to throw up because of the big @$$ needle she's getting ready to stick into your backside! Whatever you do right now, DON'T look at me!" I did not, however, say that. I used all my acting skills from high-school drama class to project a person who was both calm and collected – who could be focused upon.
As the needle went in, Rosemary mouthed the word "$#*%"
I nodded understanding, that was my sentiment too upon seeing it.  I couldn't imagine feeling it.  [Although I have since come to know the pain of said type injections, and "$#*%" is the appropriate sentiment for it.]
I tried to be comforting. "Not much more," I told her and prayed it was so.  "You're doing great!"
Thank God, it worked rather quickly, and I didn’t have to say much more on that topic.
No more had she been given the injection then her doctor walked in.
I wanted to say, "where in hell have you been?" but I remembered my acting skills from high-school drama class and remained calm.
"Boy! It’s good to see you!" I exclaimed, instead.
He said good morning to me, as he moved to Rosemary and spoke to her briefly. He picked up her chart and read it. "So," he said rather emotionless. "Are you ready to have a baby?"
Rosemary is known for a sarcastic kind of humor. I saw the look in her eyes when he asked her that stupid question. "REALLY?" was the look she gave him over that ridiculous question.  "Are you seriously asking me that?" came the follow-up glare.
I couldn’t help but remember, in that moment, a skit that I'd once seen that Carol Burnett did which involved a guy asking a stupid question regarding pregnancy, and her pulling said guy’s bottom lip up over his head....or something to that effect, with a sarcastic look of "any more questions?" 
Exactly!
Being the southern, diplomatic one, I interjected quickly. "I think we’re all ready for this baby to hurry up and get here!"
He patted her leg. "I’ll see you in the delivery room in a few minutes."
Lewie seemed to have a built-in radar regarding when to step outside and when to come back in, because he got back to the room just as we were getting ready to go to the delivery room. He wanted to be in there, but he couldn’t commit to being the calm, cool-as-a-cucumber presence that Rosemary would need.
Roles. It’s good when you know them and understand your ability or not to fulfill them. He was a little squeamish about the sights that would be seen in that room, and he knew himself well enough to know that he might not be the best choice to be the support for her in that moment. One thing I’m good at being is a sidekick.
We went to the delivery room and each took our places. I gotta tell ya, if the breathing exercises sounded tedious and exhausting, it didn’t compare to the task of pushing.   Pushing was a whole other level of tedious and exhausting.
I watched my friend push until I thought her head might explode, and when she lay back against the upright portion of the bed, too exhausted to continue, it was my job to cajole her into pushing some more.
I wasn’t a cheerleader in high-school. I was on the pep-squad, which is akin to being a cheerleader, without having to wearing the little shorty-skirt. In other words, I knew how to cheer someone on. That’s just what I did, whether Rosemary was in the mood for it or not. She was not!  She was tired of breathing!  She was tired of pushing!  She was tired of labor!  Plain and simple, she was tired!  Still, it was my job to make her go outside of those bounds of normal reserve and encourage her to find the special reserve we all have within us to do things we don't believe we have the stamina or wearwithall to continue doing.
"Come on, Rose! I've seen your Herculean strength!  You've got to push just a little more." I tried to pump her up with a tone of pure belief that she could do this, until they told her she didn’t have to do it anymore, not the other way around. "You can do! You can do it! I KNOW you can!"
And, we pushed some more.
I’ll never forget seeing that child’s head crown.
"Oh, my God!" I gasped.  It took my breath away. "Look!"
And, she and Lewie both glanced up in the overhead mirror so they could see what I was seeing.
"Just a couple more good pushes," the doctor said.
I felt the tears come.
I looked into her eyes. "Come on!  Just a little more! You can do this!" I nodded my belief in her. "I know you can!"
"I’m tired!" she said in a tone of pure exhaustion. She wasn't certain at this point if she had anymore energy let in her to push anymore.
I nodded. "I know!" I told her. "I know you are, but one more big push....one more really good one.  That's all, and he’ll be here!"
Then, she did something that I’ve never forgotten and never will as long as I live.  She held her hand out for me to take, and when I gave it to her, she locked her fingers around mine.  My other arm wrapped around her shoulders, helping her to rise up one last time and hold her steady for that final, momentous push.
She squeezed my hand so tightly, that I thought it might break, but I didn’t care. It got that push out of her.
"That’s it, Rose!" I said, excitedly. "That's IT! You’re doing great!"
With that, Dakota made his entrance into the world.
"Oh, my God, Rosemary!" I squealed. "Look at that! Here he comes!"
And, we laughed and cried as we pushed that baby into the world.
They pulled Dakota out and laid him on her stomach as we all kept laughing and crying. The nurse cleaned him off a bit before the doctor handed Lewie the scissors to cut the umbilical cord.
Lewie rapidly shook his head that he wanted none of that.
The doctor seemed to understand.
Rosemary stopped the doctor, "Let Jhill do it!"
The doctor looked at me and I nodded absolutely to let me do it! For me, being part of a miracle wasn’t an opportunity that I was going to pass up. I took the scissors and watched where the doctor directed that I cut. Before I did so, I looked back to Rosemary. She nodded, and I proudly cut the cord, while the doctor and nurse both clamped the severed places of the cord between mother and baby.
I remember clutching my chest. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I remember glancing up at the wall clock. It read 6:11 am. I bent down and the three of us had a group hug with the baby between us all.
"Wow!" I exclaimed. "My God! That was something!"
The nurse took the baby for a minute to clean him up.
The three of us chattered and laughed as we waited for him to be given back.  It was a high rush that we all felt....so, so high.  It's a high that few experiences in life take you to, but when they do....Boy, is it a great feeling!
"How are you feeling?"
"Good," she said. "Relieved it’s over with and tired....all in that order."
"I hear you, Sister!" I replied.
Rosemary took hold of my hand again. "You’ll never know how much I appreciate your being here."
I teared up again and nodded. "Oh," I sighed. "I think I do.  You'll never know how much it meant to me that you asked me to share this experience with you."
She nodded and softly replied.  "Oh, I think I do..."
Then, the nurse gave the baby back to Rosemary who held him for a moment and cooed over him then gave him to Lewie and finally, Lewie passed him over to me.
I remember kissing his little forehead that had the white and blue baby hat on his head.
"Welcome to the world, little Man!" I whispered. "We’re so happy to finally have you here! Gosh, we've waited a long time to see you!" I told him, kissing his cheek. "There’s a lot of love in this room for you. And, I hope you know how much your Aunt Jhill loves you!"
Rosemary watched me holding and loving on her son.  I watched her watching me.  It was a moment.  It was an incredible moment.
I handed the baby back to her. "Listen," I said, wiping at my eyes.  "I’m going to let you guys have some family bonding time," I told her. "I’m going to stop by work and give them the good news before I head home to get a few winks of sleep." I told her. "Do you need me to do anything else right now?"
She shook her head. "No, Honey!" she replied. "You go get some rest."
"You get some rest too!" I encouraged. "Call me about noon, and I’ll bring some food over."
"Sounds good," she said. Then, I kissed them all goodbye and did what I said I was going to do before I got home about 9:30 a.m., which was stop by work and deliver the good news of healthy baby and exhausted mother having come through the experience with flying colors; I had a great talk with my mother about the entire experience after I got home, then I went off to bed for a few hours of much needed rest.
True to form, I was up around 1, took a shower and head backed over to the hospital. I took soup and sandwiches over, and we ate and visited for a while as the baby lay in her arms.
There is no more beautiful sight in all the world than seeing a mother holding her baby in her arms, looking so peacefully content.
"How are you feeling?"
She smiled. "I feel good," she said. "A little tired, but look at him!" she beamed with pride. "Isn’t he beautiful?"
"He is beautiful, Rosemary!"
"I can’t believe how much I already love him!"
"I can!" I replied.
"It's a little overwhelming."
"That’s normal."
She looked at me. "You don’t seem too concerned."
"Of YOU mothering this baby?" I giggled as I said it. "Not a concern in the world."
I glanced over to the recliner where Lewie was asleep.
I looked back at Rosemary. "You’ll do fine!"
She let me hold the baby one final time before I left for the day. As I held him and talked softly to him and rubbed my fingers along his, they tightly gripped around my finger.  My jaw dropped when Dakota did that.  "Look!  Did you see that?"
Rosemary said. "You’re going to be a great mother yourself, one day, JhillyBean!"
I smiled. It made me feel good. I liked hearing that someone other than my mother thought that about me.
"In the meantime, I’ve got this precious baby right here to love all over," and I smothered him with kisses. He didn’t stir. He knew his Aunt Jhill’s voice. That was the point of all those months talking to her stomach....so that he would know me when he came out into the world, and my voice wouldn’t startle him in any way, shape or form.
"When are they releasing you?" I asked.
She sighed. "I think tomorrow about two."
I nodded. "I’ll loop by your place at lunchtime tomorrow and make sure you’re fridge is stocked and things are picked up."
"You’re a good friend," she replied.
I winked at her. "It’s one of the things I know how to do best," I replied.
"Will we see you tomorrow?"
"Of course you will!" I told her. "I’ll drop by for a few minutes after work and make sure you're both settled."
She nodded, seeming to be relieved by that. I bent over and kissed her cheek. "You get some rest." I told her. "You’re going to need it."
Again, she nodded. "I know."
"Call me if you need me," I told her. "I can be back over here in 15 minutes."
"Thanks."
"No thanks needed. It’s been my pleasure!"
When I reached the door, she said, "it was a good day, huh?"
I turned back and smiled. "Oh Rose!" I sighed.  "The best!  Today was the best day! I danced on a cloud today. I didn’t even know that was possible!"
She seemed to understand.
"Thanks for letting me..."
She cut me off not letting me finish the thought. "There’s no one else who I’d want to do it."
"I love you guys!" I said. "I’ll see you later."
She nodded. "We love you more...."
Sometimes, even when you know it isn’t true, it’s best to let a compliment lay out there uninterrupted - having its moment.
I didn’t debate the point.  I let her tell me that they loved me more.
What I remember now when I think back on that day is the glorious experience I shared with a dear girlfriend, when she reached for my hand, and I helped her push her son into the world.....
It doesn’t get much better than that: helping a little soul come forth....dancing on a cloud and celebrating the part you played in helping to bring someone into their life. It truly is a miracle of profound proportions!  I have never forgotten the perfect symmetry and beauty of that one singular moment of pure joy, when two women pushed, cajoled and loved a little boy into this world. As long as I live, I will never forget the feeling of that most profound miracle and precious gift.  Today, Dakota turned 19, and it seems like only yesterday that he blazed his trail of glory to this place...

http://youtu.be/1Nk-yiwJJ04  I'll Play For You~Seals & Crofts
http://youtu.be/BEbJduR6640 Sing Your Song~Barbra Streisand