Mothers Like Me

For all the mothers just like me,
whose little ones weren’t meant to be
a breathing, joyous part of our life,
I feel your pain.  I know your strife.
There are no hand-made cards for us,
no little ones to make a fuss,
no breakfast trays brought to our bed,
decorated with a single rose of crimson red.
There are no loving hugs topped with a morning kiss,
one more injustice that we have missed,
No uttered words of “Mom, you’re the best!”
Or tiny bodies to cuddle during an afternoon rest.
There are no gifts sent home from school,
those hand-made treasures made of glitter and glue.
We don’t have little hands to hold our own,
No squealing voices fill our home,
There are no pictures for us to take.
No “Mother’s Day memories” each year to make.
We don’t get to experience that angst-filled evolution,
of our tiny tots moving into the teenage revolution.
No journey through those transition years,
When they think we know nothing, yet we continue to cheer,
for every made accomplishment, both large and small –
a minor role in the school play or a home-run hit baseball...
There are no awkward birds and bees “talks”,
nor pride-filled memories of their graduation walk.
We don’t get to assist with the college scout,
or enjoy a simple afternoon out.
There isn’t a college fund to fill,
There isn’t a career-major to help them mill.
No wedding bells will celebratorily chime,
For our children who didn’t get to live out their prime.
We won’t get to bounce grand babies on our knee,
There’s an entire life we’ll never see.
Because, we are mothers who never got to hold our child,
and weren’t blessed to be on the receiving end of their happy smile.
We’ve never heard an uttered, “I love you, Mom!”
Or exchanged any presents to and from...
This day is always bittersweet and beguiled.
I’m blessed to have my mother, yet grieved not to have my child.
Such is our life – there’s no child to say,
an honor to us on our Mother’s Day.
Most times, it’s an insult to injury that downright smarts,
This sorrow that can only live on within our hearts....
Because society doesn’t often understand,
How a woman can grieve over a modified plan,
That didn’t actually result in the birth of our child,
It’s a thought I’ve heard that really gets me riled.
There isn’t anything that can take that child’s place.
The only salvation for us is God’s amazing grace....
And, knowing that our children are safely in heaven’s splendor,
Is the only thought that makes this loss the slightest bit kinder and gentler.
But, it’s never an easy blow to take,
When you can’t have your child to tenderly tuck in or gently awake.
No mornings to start off or evenings to wind down.
No tears to wipe away or attempts to upturn a frown.
It’s hard, this position of not getting to mother,
my little baby girl and her big, older brother.
It’s the hardest cross I’ve been asked to carry,
And, I drag it along through the years as I tarry.
They were real and alive, if only for the briefest moment in time,
Every stillborn and miscarried child decorating heaven’s playground, like mine.
So, to all of you mothers who sadly know how this story goes,
Let me wish you a blessed Mother’s Day from a mother who knows...
One day, we shall get our heavenly embrace.
Until then, we must be content with this note of grace:
Our children are safe, they are loved and they’re whole.
And, they’re with us~ just pay attention to the whisper in your soul.
They’ll send you a message or a sign in some miraculous way...
To let you know they’re thinking of you on this Mother’s Day.
It’s the best we can hope for, and they’ll do their part,
To send a message if you open your heart.
So, today, let me offer you my wish and a prayer.
Our little ones are near even if you’re unaware.
And, they’re sending much love  - embrace it.  It’s there.
It’ll be delivered to you on a wing and a prayer....

Happy Mother’s Day to the Moms who have lost your children either through stillbirth or miscarriage.  You have not been forgotten!  Embrace your day, because you, too, deserve it!
Blessings,

© Jhill Perran
Written May 12, 2012