“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” —Zora Neale Hurston
“Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” ~Hal Borland
http://youtu.be/Jn2Lpmo3vq8 What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve~Nancy Wilson/1963-A VERY good year! ;-)
http://youtu.be/Ar9Ip7pSqEg Same Old Lang Syne~Dan Fogelberg {My birthday buddy!}
Happy New Year’s Climbers! I want to thank those of you who have spent the last several months here with me again since the blog got back up and running! I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you take the time to read my writing–these posts. I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about this post — the last one of 2013, and what I wanted to say. Gosh, that sounds odd to say that – the last of 2013. WHERE has the time gone? It truly does seem like just yesterday that THIS New Year was embarking. My parents both have told me, at various times in my life, that the older one gets, the faster time goes. I’m certainly finding that to be true.
Last year, at this time, I was gearing up for a personal milestone year for myself. However, we were also preparing for a surgery that my husband would have on January 3rd for a disc fusion that would keep him out of work for three months and in physical therapy for a couple more. We were getting all the bad stuff out of the way so that the rest of the year would be smooth sailing...that’s what we were planning for on our end. Have you ever heard that old adage, the best laid plans? Hm...yes. 2013 would prove to be that all-encompassing mix of the best and worst of times, as Dickens once wrote about.
Tom made it through his surgery with flying colors. His recovery was a long, hard, climb back for him to regain his strength and stamina, but he did it like an athlete in training. I’m always amazed by his diligence and perseverance! His focus is intent and unwavering. He continues to be an example to me in many things, but this, perhaps, is his greatest - the way he keeps on keeping on no matter the obstacle in his path. Gosh, I admire that more than I can express!
Spring brought us to our 18th wedding anniversary on the 24th anniversary of our first date. Yeah, we planned it that way so that we’d always remember that special night when we first went out, coupled with that special night when we said we wanted to spend all of our nights together! We spoke of all the changes we’ve seen in our lives, since that day in April when we exchanged vows, and rings and names...so many changes. Still, we hold hands and stick together. I can’t imagine it any other way. I don’t think he can either. It’s a blessing when you find your soul’s mate. It’s a divine comfort. I wish it for everyone!
2013 also brought a new friend in my life. It is always a blessing when life bestows upon us the bountiful boon of a friendship – the kind of friendship that George Eliot wrote about when she penned, “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” It was just like that...talk came easily as did the laughter—common interests kept aligning, like stars in the heavens, making you realize that it was something truly heaven-sent. It is an amazing thing when you discover a friend who shares many similar likes, and it’s always a gift when you can learn something new from someone. And, I have.
Early summer brought a health scare for me: a BIG one! Life sometimes gives us those “slow me down, Lord! Moments”, or “wake up calls”, and I got one in July. It is every woman’s fear: to get the call from one’s doctor informing you that there’s a “problem” with your mammogram. It is a moment that gives you pause. It’s hard to truly describe what fear feels like other than to say it’s akin to something that grips your insides with a fist and holds so tightly that you almost can’t breathe. I remember that July Thursday so vividly, when I went to deliver previous mammogram results and follow up, after that first call informing me of a possible problem. The worst thing in the world is to go into the weekend with something like that hanging over your head! You try not to let your mind go to the worse case scenario, but, invariably, it does. I tried to be brave on my own – just me and Tom knowing about it. {I failed miserably at that-was a basket case...} I didn’t want to talk too much about it with him, because I could tell he was concerned about it on his own, and I didn't want to upset him further. We spoke a little. He reassured me that it would be okay. My gut gnawed over it though. At 4 p.m. that Friday, I called to find out what was going on, and was told that they’d not gotten the results back yet from my comparison that was needed to determine if more, advanced tests should be done. I was told that they’d call me first thing Monday morning, which meant that I had to suffer through the weekend not knowing if there was a cancer growing in my left breast. I can tell you that two days NEVER felt so long! NEVER. The more you try not to think about something like that, the more your mind focuses on it. I prayed a lot...I thought a lot about my friend, Sheri. My heart spoke to her. In my quiet moments, I tried to mentally prepare for the dreaded scenario, but my mind wouldn't let me go there. Do not give power to an unknown. Wait. And, so I did...
Monday morning FINALLY came as did the call. It was not positive news, and being told that I was being sent to a radiologist in Richmond literally took me to my knees. Have you ever felt a room close in on you? That was the feeling that came, aside from a true sense of fear take root. I immediately called my friend, Luci, who is also an OB-GYN. She talked me down and through the fear. She told me what to expect, and what it all might mean – what it probably was. She offered to consult if I needed her that Wednesday, if the news wasn’t good, and told me to give her cell phone number to Tom. She’d be on standby. It is a double blessing to have a dear friend who is also this kind of doctor. "Don't worry, Jhilly!" she said to me. "Whatever it is! We'll get through it. I'll be there with you every step of the way if you need me!" What a comfort! It gave me peace to hear that! I felt a level of calm return. After I spoke with Luci, I shot off an email to another dear friend, Erika, who immediately focused my energy on prayer and meditation. I also called my A.B. who also has a way of putting things into a calm perspective as well for me. These friends grounded me, and helped get me through one of the scariest moments of my life. Do you have friends who you can feel with you in moments such as this? I felt them with me as I went in Wednesday morning for the second follow-up exam - especially from an email Erika sent me at 5 am her time. "I'm with you, Jhilly! I'm here!" It brought tears to my eyes when I received it - to know she was up and praying for all to be healthy and well! I would know when I left that office that morning whether or not I had cancer, but no matter the outcome, in THAT moment, I felt stronger! I WAS stronger! Though my husband and I were on pins and needles on the inside, I had powerful women in my corner, however ready to fight with me-for me, if need be...one in Chicago ready to talk strategy if it came down to it, one in Maryland bee-lining her faith for a positive outcome regarding my circumstance straight to God in prayer, and the other in California in early morning prayer and mediation doing her own special offering of healing on my behalf. It was an awesome feeling to feel that kind of power, love and support in my corner. Other friends were praying for me as well. There is power in it, I tell you! A mighty fortress surrounded me....I truly felt lifted up.
I knew when I sat in the waiting room with the other women waiting for results, knowing that my husband was in the outside waiting room and looked up and saw a picture of a white, sandy beach with a tree that had coconuts hanging from it that it was going to be okay. It was a sign...I believe in them. It was the first time in nearly a week that I felt a smile come. No more had that happened, then I was called back to see the doctor. I went and got Tom. He squeezed my hand as we waited to hear the results. When the doctor said that it was all clear - that there was no cancer, I exhaled. Then, I asked him to repeat it, and I watched his lips closely as he said the words again. Only then did I felt the relief wash over me as I looked to my husband, and we hugged. He had told me it would be okay. It was nice to know it.
“My God! My God!” I cried. And, I DID cry. “Thank you!” It was all I could say. But, as Meister Eckart stated, “if the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you’, it will be enough.”
It was one of those moments when you know that you just caught a fortunate, break because you were just sitting on the cusp of something that could have gone the other way. I couldn’t wait to get home to let Luci, Karen, and Erika know that all was well – that their prayers and positive energy had worked and seen me through. It’s the kind of experience that you can never adequately express your gratitude about, but I hope they know much I appreciated their love and support in that moment. It meant EVERYTHING! All my friends who prayed during that experience will never know how much it truly meant to have that grace on my side. It was a life-lesson, and the lesson is this: the time is now! Don’t take anything for granted – not one, single thing. I remember hearing, “Live Like You Were Dying” run through my mind as we walked out of that office later that morning. It’s a wonderful feeling to have a new lease on life. And, I did...boy, did I!
After that, the sky was the limit...my 50th birthday was approaching, and we were going to New Orleans with family and dear, old friends - my oldest in the world. I've known Terri for 45 of my 50 years. We were best friends when I was little. Her mother was my mother's bestie too. It was the perfect compliment to that week having Terri and Mrs. Lombardo there with us. To say that this was a special time was a gross understatement! I had never been to New Orleans before, and it gets in your blood! The food; the music; the people; the culture...it’s ALL incredible! It takes root. We loved it! [NOLA with Kathy & Paul was another treasured experience & my birthday lunch at Mr. B's with Tom, Mom, my brother and everyone...the jazz at Fritzel's - OMG! BEYOND good!] I can’t adequately express all the special moments I-we had there. I can honestly say though that if you want to blow the lid off, New Orleans is the place to do it! It was a grand experience, rich with memories that linger. Still...
September and October were our “circle of life” moments. We lost a brother, and gained a brother.
It is an indescribable moment when you get a phone call and learn that your husband’s brother has died at the age of 56. It’s one of those moments when you say, “what?”, because you don’t think you could have possibly heard the telling of information correctly the first time it's imparted to you. When you realize that you did hear correctly, everything else becomes surreal. So it went the next few weeks for us as we muddled through the gathering of information as to what happened and when - as arrangements were made and a trip to Florida was planned to honor and remember him. It still seems like a bad dream...some things in life are like that.
October came with a new beginning for our sister, Kathy, as she remarried, and we added another brother to our family. It was a wonderful celebration, and a true confirmation that, sometimes, when we least expect it, life does give us second chances. It was a gratitude moment for our family. God blesses us with those when we are most in need of them, and it was a much needed joy, I must tell you! We love Paul not simply because he put a happy light back in Kathy's eyes, and a genuine smile on her face again, although those were BIG +'s in our books. He's a good guy, and they make a great couple. Once again, all is well for Kathy, and for that, we offer praise.
It’s been a full year. There have been incredible highs and lows. Life. That is the stuff of it: incredible highs and lows. 2013 gave us several of each. It is a year that will forever be a memorable one in our families history. Now, as the clock approaches midnight, my hope is that 2014 will a good one for all of us – the whole world over.
My mother told me that when you hit the age of 50, you finally come into your own. You know yourself. You’re comfortable with your thoughts and speak your mind freely. You care less whether others do or don’t like who you’ve become. The days of “impressing” are gone. You are who you are and YOU know who you are! People can either take you or leave you. If they choose to leave, you’re less inclined to fight for them to stay, because you’ve learned that not everyone’s place in your life is a permanent one. And, so it is, and so it goes...
So, let me speak my mind in this moment as a new year dawns: I hope we all do better in the coming year with one another regarding patience, tolerance, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. The answer still and always will be love. Only love. It is the true healer. I hope we all dispel more positive energy than negative. I hope we judge less, and learn to work together more. I hope the sun sets gently on your days and the moon shines brightly to see you through your nights. And, I hope when we gather next year, we can look back and say, “Wow! What an awesome year 2014 was!”
It’s time to tuck 2013 away in the place where past years go: safely in our hearts and minds where memories live and thrive. So long 2013! You will not be forgotten!
Happy New Year Friends! May it be your best! May you be blessed with good health and fortune and love overflowing...May you sparkle and shine brightly in the coming year...Shine! Shine! Shine!
http://youtu.be/6pfA_K9dUjI Auld Lang Syne~Kenny G {Still chokes me up to watch this...}
http://youtu.be/yoRpWEE-E0Q White Sandy Beach~Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole
http://youtu.be/JjRXGqRofE4 Live Like You Were Dying~Tim McGraw {Live It, Friends!}
http://youtu.be/T3JzcCviNDk It's Always Now~Sam Harris {I listened to this a LOT this year!}
God Bless Us, Everyone!
http://youtu.be/_qCWIWI1ClM Shine~David Gray ~ Now, go! Shine your light beautifully and brilliantly in 2014 for ALL the world to see! Be a blessing! I wish nothing less for each of you. I’ll see you on the Beanstalk....
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