Somewhere Between 44 and Senior...

                                            {Erika, THIS sounds like a game-plan, huh? ;-)}

“Age is a question of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”  ~Leroy "Satchel" Paige

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.”  ~Mark Twain

   Forever Young~Joan Baez

quandary >noun-state of uncertainty or perplexity, especially as requiring a choice between equally unfavorable options.

Have you ever been in a quandary?  I found myself in one today after I got the mail.  I’ve been working through it for the last hour and decided to write it out, because that always helps me get things into proper perspective.
“What’s the problem, Jhill?” many of you may be asking.
Well, I’m stuck in the middle between two agencies that are trying to confuse me, I think, as to where my place is on the age scale.  I’m at the grown-up table, but I’m just not certain where I’m suppose to sit?
Needs further explanation doesn’t it?  Yes. Well, here goes...
As those of you know who read my blog, I turned 50 last month.  It just so happened that my driver’s license came up for renewal in 2013.  The state of Virginia has done a crazy little thing recently for “cost effective” reasons regarding driver’s licenses — it doesn’t require you to come into the DMV any longer to renew them.  They send you a form in the mail, you fill it out and send them a check. {WHAT could possibly go wrong with this new way of doing things without them actually seeing the person getting the photo identification? She asks with a tinge of sarcasm.  HELLO! Have you ever heard of a little thing called FRAUD?} Wait. It gets better.  Get this: IF you want to go into the DMV to pay for your license in person, they charge you an extra fee to do so.  Is that the most absurd thing you’ve ever heard in your life?  SOOOOOO.....I wasn’t really sure how this was going to work because, as just mentioned, my license is a photo ID.  How was I going to get my picture taken for my new license, if I was precluded from going into the DMV?  You know what they did to resolve THAT little dilemma?  They took ALL the information from my previous 2007 driver’s license and slapped it onto my new license - old picture, old stats....half of the information on it isn’t correct anymore.  I’ve lost weight since then.  I’ve shrunk an inch since then — those pesky degenerative discs!  I’m SIX years older for crying out loud!  Shouldn’t the information on a legal document such as this be up-to-date and accurate?  Shouldn’t the picture be recent instead of when I was 44?  Just throwing that out there....shouldn’t the state of Virginia NOT handle something as delicate a matter as one’s LEGAL photo ID via the mail where it could – might get lost in the mail or fall into the wrong hands?  Is that concern REALLY out of the realm of possibility?   I’m certain I’m not the only one with this concern.  Well, I know I’m not.  My husband has it too.  I’m sure we’re not the only ones with this concern!
Backwards.  It’s a backwards way of handling a sensitive matter.  My state has been called that a time or two, and I have to admit that, in this instance, I have to agree with that assessment.  Doing things like handling driver’s license renewals solely via mail just spells trouble to me.  What if it’s delivered to the wrong address?  Gets lost in the mail?  Falls into the hands of a person with criminal intentions?  This is a fraud situation waiting to happen as far as I’m concerned.  I think it’s a bad move!  That’s just me though. {And my husband}
I also think I should be able to go into the DMV if I want to and have a new picture taken on my driver’s license renewal.   I mean I DO live in a southern state which is SUPPOSE to be known for its hospitality.   Telling me that I’m not welcome to come into a government office to renew something that I AM paying for seems a little inhospitable to me, don’tcha think?
I mean, it would be nice if I had the opportunity to turn that old license in and have the woman behind the counter take it from me before she took my new picture and say cheerfully to me [because I do live in the south and people at the DMV do engage in pleasant conversation when you’re there in person...]
“Well, my goodness! You look like you’ve lost a little weight, Ma’am.” [And, also, because women notice that kind of thing....]
To which I could happily say, beaming.  “Yes.  Yes, I have.  Thank you for noticing that! It’s been hell getting it off!”
She would then add. “Honey! I KNOW that’s right! And, you’ve highlighted your hair!”
I would then chuckle in response and reply. “No, but thank you for YOUR kind take on it!  My mother informs me that’s a passel of gray movin’ in!  Bless your benevolent eyes!”
I’d pay my money and get my new license, before I’d be on my merry way. Is that so wrong to want that kind of encounter, since I’ve got to pay for the d@mn thing anyway?  It didn’t work out like that.  Instead, I’ve got a new license with incorrect statistical information and a six-year-old picture on it, which isn’t a picture I was too thrilled with in the first place! So, I’m stuck with that for another six years.  What happens when I turn 56?  I shudder to think about it, as I imagine I will be much shorter and grayer by that point! LOL
That’s the first part of the quandary.
Here’s the second: this morning, I pulled a temporary AARP membership card out of the mail.  My eyes bugging out like that was NOT a pretty sight.  I think it terrified my puppies to tell you the truth!  I had to sit down to collect myself.  I had rumblings last summer that they were going to send me an invitation to join them, when I was still 49, but this is an official card.  When I was a kid, AARP meant SENIOR citizen.  I am NOT a senior citizen, thank you very much!  I’m 50 years old.  That’s like PRIME middle age.  If I was real-estate, that would equate to a REALLY good section of town. But, I’m NOT real estate.  I’m a person, and I’m NOT a senior one!  At best, I’m a healthy, middle-aged one but a far cry from senior citizen!  This is not a slam on seniors either!  I LOVE senior citizens! It’s just that I’m not ready to be taken to THAT portion of life’s party, before I’ve had my dance at this one!  DON’T RUSH ME!  I JUST GOT HERE!
Anyway...I went to the internet and looked up AARP just to refresh my memory as to what it represented.  Here is what I found: originally, the moniker stood for the American Association for Retired Persons.  But, in 1999, it formally changed its “official” name to AARP and no longer stands for anything.  I kid you not.  That’s what it says.  I don’t know if I like something that doesn’t stand for anything!  However, I did find this descriptive function in the group’s own words: “leads positive social change and delivers value to members through information, advocacy and service.”  Then, it went on to explain that this included lobbying efforts on behalf of SENIORS, educational programs etc and so forth.
I have a question.  WHEN did 50 year old people become classified as seniors?  If that’s the case, why can’t 50 year old people retire at 50 instead of 65, and if the government has its way 67 or higher?  There needs to be some definitive understanding here.  When I was growing up, you were a senior when you hit 65 — teetering at the age of 62, but you weren’t anywhere close to the mark at 50!  You certainly weren’t getting an invitation to the party 15 years in advance.
I’m a grown-up, and I’m mature.  However, I don’t really want to be considered a “senior” at this point my life.  I don’t know....it just seems like I haven’t earned that right yet....or those stripes.  I certainly don’t have the wisdom to be classified as a senior.  That comes with more age and life experience.   I have the wisdom of a middled-aged person.  I have some life experience and battle scars, but I’m not at the golden age yet.  My mother is a senior.  I don’t want to be on an even keel with her until I’m 65 and she’s 89.   Then it seems appropriate, but not at this stage in my life!  For me, it has to do with respect as well.  As I said, I’ve got a lot more to learn before I can claim the honor stripes of being a senior citizen.
After all, Victor Hugo once said that, “Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.”
This milestone birthday transitioned me into a new phase in my life — one in which I’m at the youthful side of the playing field.   I’m new again!  Just like the Peter Allen song says!
I was just thinking how much easier this AARP invitation would have been to deal with if they’d included a pack of Bazooka bubble gum in with MY invitation — like a little party favor to cajole me into maybe wanting to give them $16 for the year membership that I REALLY don’t qualify for at this stage in my life except that they’ve finagled its age requirements down to let young whippersnappers like me into its organization.  I also don’t need the free travel bag they’re offering.  That’s something I prefer to pick out for myself, and it’s in boring black!  Lord, if you’re going to offer a free give-a-way, pep up your color – say to PURPLE maybe!  Not just because that’s my favorite color! HELLO! Haven’t you people EVER heard of Jenny Joseph? {Warning: When I’m an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple}  You’re AARP for crying out loud!!!  Also, if you’re on top of your game, you know that I’m at the younger end of your age spectrum and the Bazooka isn’t an inappropriate party favor for MY invitation, as I don’t yet have dentures, and I do still enjoy chewing gum and blowing bubbles — JUST NOT POPPING GUM! {Test question: who remembers that post about popping gum? ;-) Can you name it? } First person who can gets a pack of Bazooka Bubble gum!!!! :-)
Anyway....I think I’ve worked through this quandary that I’ve been in regarding my place at the age table.  I’ve got a firm grip on MY reality no matter how anyone else tries to trip me up!  I’ve got a new driver’s license with last go round’s picture on it from 2007  — now with outdated statistical information on it to boot & an early {wink, wink} invitation to join the AARP’s chorus line.  Ya’ll try to keep that green-eyed monster under wraps!  If it hasn’t already, your time will come for this honor.  Trust me on that.
Here’s another life lesson: even in the minutiae details of life, it’s not perfect.   Does it matter in the overall scheme of things? No.  Who really cares? Probably not a soul!  But, PRAISE GOD, I’m still here with my new~old driver’s license & my waaaaay early AARP invitation!  WOO*HOO!!!!!  It’s all good!  Somebody hand me a Hershey Bar with almonds, a glass of chocolate milk and fire up “Everything Old Is New Again” and let’s PAR*TAY!


  Everything Old Is New Again from “All That Jazz”~written and sung by Peter Allen

Lyrics to Everything Old Is New Again:

When trumpets were mellow
And every gal only had one fellow
No need to remember when
'Cause everything old is new again

Dancin' at church, Long Island, jazzy parties
Waiter bring us some more Baccardi
We'll order now, what they ordered then
'Cause everything old is new again

Get out your white suit, your tap shoes and tails
Let's go backwards when forward fails
And movie stars you thought were alone then
Now are framed beside your bed

Don't throw the past away
You might need it some rainy day
Dreams can come true again
When everything old is new again

Get out your white suit, your tap shoes and tails
Put it on backwards when forward fails
Better leave Greta Garbo alone
Be a movie star on your own

And don't throw the past away
You might need it some other rainy day
Dreams can come true again
When everything old is new again
When everything old is new again

I might fall in love with you again

Warning: When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
By: Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple,
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple...